step away from the phone

Grandma knew a thing or two in her day. Back in her time, there were rules to live by, traditions to respect. Agree or disagree, but in some ways those days were easier to navigate. In those days, girls were girls and boys were boys and everyone was pretty sure about their roles were.  Then came the cultural revolution of the 1960s and all h*ll broke loose.

Some of that revolution was good: the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Joni Mitchell.  Also: reproductive choice, and careers for women beyond teacher and nurse (nothing wrong with either of those. Just sayin'). Some of the revolution was just a pretty illusion: women are just like men. This idea was radical at the time, but the truth is, we're not the same. We're equal, and we're different.

Back in Grandma's day, there was a rule: girls don't call boys. Period, end of story. It was about this: boys are hunters. They can't help it, it's in their genes. Girls are  nurturers. Again, can't help it; it's just how we're wired. John Gray calls it Mars and Venus. Anyway, nature designed us quite brilliantly. Flowers don't go around chasing bumblebees. They just sit back all beautiful, sweet-smelling, dazzling. It's isn't rocket science, sweetie, it's nature, in all her glorious wisdom. Be still. Be mysterious. Let nature do her magic.

Today, we've forgotten the simplicity of what relationship can and should be. Today, we have to be reminded about basic human nature by books like "He's just not that into you." The message here is simple: appreciate who you are and what you have to offer. After all, you're a goddess, with gifts and treasures and delights to behold. If he doesn't call, he's just not motivated. It's not that you're imperfect, it's not that you're lacking that special something. It's just that the two of you are not a match. It's not that making the first move is morally wrong. It's just counter-productive. In case it matters.

The next time you have a great first date, savor the giddy-dizzy feelings the experience stirs in you. In the days to follow, hang out with the yummy-buzzy  butterflies dancing in your stomach. Wait for the phone to ring. If it does, hurrah! A chance to find out more about this candidate for your prized companionship. If the call doesn't come, step away from the phone! Do not take the bold initiative. Do not be aggressive, do not be woman hear your roar. Do not dial his number and rob yourself of the chance to be on the receiving end of all that delicious desire.

My two cents: Hold out. You're worth it, darling. Love, C


Flash forward a decade or five.  I am hosting a sleep-over of about ten 10 year old girls and basically repeating what Grama told C.  Although now it also applies to e-mail and texting.  What I told these sweet, not at all ready to date young girls is, "Don't call guys, it doesn't work when you're 10 doesn't work when you're 40.  Just doesn't work period."

As I am telling the girls why I believe they won't get the results that they will want, when they are actually at the age when this will all apply, some part of me is hoping that this will really sink in.  At least as far as my daughter is concerned I am hoping that this info will just be a "given," you know like you get in the car and you automatically put on your seat belt.  I guess on some level I am trying to save her a bit of the frustration of wondering when someone hasn't called her yet, if it is EVER a good idea to call a guy and basically ask  him why he hasn't called.  Isn't that what we are doing when we make that call? Aren't we on some level trying to manipulate the situation?  Just asking.

I have repeated this sentiment to my daughter on many occasions over the years, I think for my benefit as well as hers.  I have told her time and again that you can't force someone to like you, (I needed to remember that). You can't manipulate someone to do what you want them to do when you want them to do it, (again, I needed to remember that).  When we are in these times when there is so much talk about manifesting and attraction, and I do believe for sure, and I am trying to school my daughter on these laws as well. I have had to explain why in some cases you can have what you want, manifest it, attract it; but there are some cases when you just can't.  When you are messing with someone else's free will those rules don't apply.

Sucks sometimes when you think you have met your future husband and you think he's just too lame to know it yet: but girls it takes two, not just you, to make that love connection and you can't force someone to want you.  Sorry.  (I needed to remember that one too!).    And remember, you want someone who absolutely adores you, thinks of you all day and can't wait to call you.
Remember that!  He's coming, xo-K

My two cents:  The perfect guy for you wants to call you, he doesn't feel like he has to.


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