Starting Over At 40

6 years ago

We live in an ever changing society. When you get married and buy a home, and have may think that is your life from that moment forward. And I hope that is the case for everyone. But unfortunately, many women find themselves at a crossroad in a time of their life, when they should be settled and secure in their future.

I was one of these women. I married at the young age of 21. I had my first child at 22, my second child at 25.  I had the pretty house, the nice husband, the average income that fluctuated between decent and penny pinching depending on the jobs we had. I had my life. I had the life I expected to always have. Then my world fell apart. At 34, I found myself divorced with a tween and teenager to take care of.  Luckily I did have a good relationship with their dad and we did the best we could to give them a happy life, regardless of the new obstacles they were then faced with.

I spent the next few years working, dating, and trying to embrace my new freedom and life. I was not happy. Yeah sometimes it was great...but there was this nagging thought asking "what is going to happen to you? Will you grow old, alone? Will you fall in love and be happy again?" It was scary at times.  I dated men that didn't have the same values I had, because I didn't want to pass up the opportunity in finding love again. Instead of thinking myself worthy of the best, I instead "settled" when it came to finding a new relationship and tried to talk myself into feeling it was going in the right direction. I like to refer to this time from 34 until 40 by saying I was a run-a-way train...not heading toward anything good, but just destruction. I "woke up" at 39. I realized the unhealthy relationship I had been in the last several years had to stop. And I stopped it. I went through emotional abuse and verbal abuse which caused me to feel so confused over the decision I made to end this particular relationship. But I held strong, because somewhere deep inside me, this little voice of the woman I used to be, was trying to be heard again. I let her speak.

Coming up next:

Finding love again at 39

Surviving a blended family

Being pregnant again at 44

Dealing with the news of having triplets

Trying to look young while feeling old.

I had a menopausal baby.

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