Desperately Seeking My Sex Drive!

4 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.

Here's the thing...

Few people seem to be writing specifically about sex and life of women approaching 50, at 50, or even after 50. That can't be right; other women must be dealing with sexual stuff at this age, right? Well, I've given up looking and decided to write about it. Maybe someone else will read this and think, "Hey...look. At least one other person on the planet gets this craziness!"

Image: suffering_socrates via Flickr

My sex drive has gone missing. It checked out without even leaving a note of apology. After spending several months researching all the possible factors that might be causing the problem, I'm no closer to an actual answer.

Our sexual appetites are affected by stress, a lack of sleep, bad habits, too many people wanting too many things from us, blah, blah, blah. We've been educated about the female sex drive until we could recite the physiological processes, in order of occurrence, rated in magnitude, and graded on a scale. We get it.

When I first began to notice there was a change, I didn't really worry. After all, we've all been through times when sex is low on the priority list, sometimes dead last. But I've always liked sex. I can't remember too many times when I didn't get a rush from feeling sexy, knowing I was desired.

In fact the only time I can remember not wanting to have sex was when I was pregnant. I hated being pregnant. I hated everything about it. So it makes sense that I wouldn't want sex when I was feeling like I had been zipped into a fat suit and then someone had jammed the zipper.

But is it that after 49 years of knowing I like sex, all desire seems to have just left? I think I can count on one hand, the amount of times I have felt sexual over the last year. It's not about my body responding because I can pick up the vibrator and voila, everything goes from zero to 60 in just a few minutes. There was no need. I do it because I think it's important to keep the pipes lubed...just in case.

I'm not naive. I get that I'm probably going through menopause. According to everything I've read, menopause is a totally natural event and not a disease that requires a cure. It's also the time when all things hormonal go a little nuts. Hormones become the crazy, knife-wielding murderer at the Bates Motel. They exhibit schizophrenic tendencies, causing all manner of responses that are never consistent or understandable.

If you've done any research about this online, you'll find all kinds of information saying that the lack of a sex drive can be directly traced to a hormonal imbalance. Well, duh.....but here's where it gets maddening. A low libido is one of the symptoms of either too much estrogen or too little, not enough progesterone or not enough testosterone, or a combination of any of these.

Bottom line? No one really knows. No one can tell you to do this or take that and solve the problem. They can test you (and I've been there) and they can have you try all different types of replacement hormones (and I've done that) but at the end of it all....nothing has worked.

This brings me to my first blog. I'm not done looking for answers and maybe I'll find something that works for me. In the meantime, I'm determined to continue to have sex, with my boyfriend (how high school is that?) or by myself. Either way, I'm a strong believer in the idea that if you don't use lose it.

Wouldn't it be horrible? To have my sex drive show up after being on hiatus, only to discover that the parts have gotten rusty and no longer function?

Maybe my sex drive is waiting for an invitation to something a little kinky?

More from love

by Jamie Beckman | 8 days ago
by Heather Jennings | 10 days ago
by HelloFlo N/A | 11 days ago
by Colleen Stinchcombe | 17 days ago
by Colleen Stinchcombe | 23 days ago
by Ashley Papa | a month ago
by HelloFlo N/A | a month ago
by Krissy Brady | 2 months ago