Last night I was lying in bed during my “happy time” in the middle of the night reading. It was extremely late so everyone had been fast asleep for hours. The husband walks into the bedroom just getting home from work and falls into bed. The only light in the room came from the light on my kindle. As he lays down out of nowhere a spider dropped from the place spiders hide to scare the shit out of you when you least expect it; right onto my chest. * Still shuddering *.
Little information about me: I do NOT do spiders! I can handle dead things, if you vomitI will hold your hair, I can deal with blood and guts, and I like snakes and even rats… I DO NOT however, DEAL WELL WITH SPIDERS!
Therefore, now that you know that about me, I am sure you can see where this is heading. I flung the spider off me and demonstrated my best ninja moves EVER! Number 8 would be so proud! I was a serious hot mess of heebie-jeebies.
You know what the husband did?
He laughed. He laughed, snorted, cried, and laughed some more.
I punched him in the arm and then shuddered and flung my arms as if I were drowning in a pool of spiders.
He continued to laugh harder.
I yelled at him about being a man wrapped in tinfoil and not my knight in shining armor, which turned him into a hissing hyena.
Here is the conversation you missed:
Husband: Hardly understandable because of his laughter, “You better find that spider…it’s going to crawl back up and bite you when you are sleeping”
“Hell no, you find it! That’s what husbands are for!” I said as I tried to push him out of bed with my feet.
He then thought he should use his hands to imitate a crawling spider on my arm, “It’s going to wait for you to get up in the morning, and then it will jump from under the bed and eat you like on the Twilight Zone.” (Still laughing however, now he is wiping tears from his eyes.)
Me: “I seriously hope it turns you into a cocoon and sucks you dry when you are sleeping!”
Husband: “You are mean. So mean” (still snickering)
Me: I punched him, and then slapped myself all over because I swear the spider was back and crawling all over me.
Husband, “There’s probably a bunch of little spiders that are going to fall on you now because of their mom being thrown.”
Me “I hate you”
For the rest of the night I could not sleep. All I could do was dart my eyes around looking for spiders or something to beat the laugh out of him. Oh, and before he fell asleep, He told me I better not blog about this. Ha! As if!