Single Woman's Encyclopedia of Random Randy Thoughts & Dick-tionary Definitons

4 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.
The SS40 Encyclopedia of Random Randy Thoughts
and Dick-tionary Definitions.

 

~Hard dicks are all the same. Gigantic flaccid phalluses and short, soft schlongs are similar in size when erect. The little guy is an overachiever. The big guy doesn’t put out much effort. Says WebMD.

 

~Once a man discovers he has a big dick, he never gets over it. He's "fascinated." Also says WebMD.

 

~A properly parallel parked  car is an average boner distance from the curb, i.e., less than six inches.

 

~Half of a man’s dick is inside him, not you. On MRIs, he is twice as big. Big deal. Penii should be X-rated, not X-rayed.

 

~Circumcision is cosmetic surgery. There is no proven medical benefit to the baby.

 

~Organs can be donors. The foreskin from circumcised babies is used to heal burns and other wounds.

 

~Men grab their dicks and balls in public for the same reason dogs lick theirs.

 

~Penis-snatching is a real thing. Well, as real as witchcraft.

 

~There is such as thing as too big. I won't tell you how I know, but there is.

 

~When a dick breaks, it's usually its owners own fault.  And yet it’s called pleasuring yourself.

 

~Kegels make sex better. When he does them.

 

~Dicks are darker than the rest of the body because they get man-handled.

 

~Needle in Haystack. The visual says it all. Unless you’re Brazilian.

 

~Old Softie. (See also, Quick Draw) When being soft on a woman is not a romantic gesture.

 

~Sex Pistols. Punk rock-hard. Shoot first, ask questions later.

 

~Youngun'. More like snub-nosed and low caliber.

 

~Quick Draw. Didn’t even see it coming. Does 10 seconds of glory count against your number?

 

~Full Tilt. Penis perfection. C-shapes and G-spots go together. Literally.

 

~Cremasteric Reflex. Shrinkage. Known causes: cold and drought. Dicks need to warm up and work-out or they get shorter.

 

 Do you have Randy Random Thoughts? Do you noodle on noodles? Sweet talk to me in the comments or tweet me @beth_odonnell.

 

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