Complacency: The Silent Relationship Killer

3 years ago

“Same thing it took, to get your baby hooked….its gonna take the same thang to keep her”-The Impressions (1975)

It’s Friday night. Date night for you and your boo. It’s 7:00 p.m. and you are starting to get ready. You agreed upon the same time as you normally do, 8:30 p.m. Neither of you really puts in any extra effort with your outfits because you are just doing the “norm”-- dinner and a movie in your favorite part of town. That’s your boo, he/she knows you’re attractive, that’s one of the reasons they got with you, so why do anything extra for them tonight?

That’s the silent killer cutting in. That moment when complacency begins to creep in ever so slowly and very innocently.  You get too comfortable and you stop trying too hard or stop trying at all, to keep your boo's attention. Your lover has yet to break up with you so everything is just fine right? Not necessarily. Your relationship just might be going stale.

Unfortunately, what a lot of people fail to realize is, the things they did in the beginning to “woo” the other, are the very same things that should be maintained throughout the relationship (why stop now that you got ‘em?!). Too often, we get way too comfortable within the relationship and things begin to change. It starts out really slow. Instead of putting in a little extra effort for your boo tonight, you just wear the usual sweats, jeans and a t-shirt and you don’t really do anything different with your hair/makeup.


Image: Lourdes Nightengale via Flickr


Then it may even get to the point where, you get off work, have dinner ready and you guys have the basic how was your day conversation. You each take a shower, he throws on a white tee and boxer briefs, while you throw on your family reunion shirt from 1999 or a tank top and granny panties, and toss your hair back. You get in bed and you don’t cuddle up or anything. It’s not Friday or Saturday night, so ain’t no love makin’ goin’ down. He grabs the remote, watches his favorite shows while you read on your side of the bed. After 20 or so minutes, one of you turns over and just goes to sleep. Pretty boring and stale right?

I get it! No one wants to go to bed looking like a Victoria Secret’s model every night, with blush and gloss on or a GQ model all oiled up. It’s just not gonna happen every single night. But you must take the time to put in the effort every now and then. Not only will your significant other appreciate it, it may just put that spark back into your relationship or it may just help you maintain the spark you already have going on.

It is way too easy to fall into the trap of complacency, so here are just a few tips to kick it out of your relationship:

Go Out Of Town

Sometimes a change in environment can be a great thing for you both. It’s good to just get away from the routine sometimes and have some quality alone time in another part of town or even in another state. Leave the mundane conversations behind. Don’t talk about work, or all the things you are going to have to do next week. Embrace the environment and each other. Have some fun!

Change Your Look

A quick little makeover might be just what you need to re-gain your partner's attention. Ladies, try something different with your hair or if you always wear pants, switch it up and wear a skirt or even a dress. Fellas, a nice button up and a crisp pair of jeans are always a good look, or if you always wear a hat, ditch that. Your partner will notice the change (hell they better!) and appreciate the fact you took the time to do something different.

Surprise Them

Instead of planning an evening and telling them what you have planned, just surprise them one day.  Call your partner and tell him/her to be ready or come over at a certain time. Don’t give any clues at all (except how to dress, to avoid being overdressed or underdressed if you are going out). Make sure it’s something your partner will actually enjoy. Surprise him with lingerie, his favorite meal, pr give him a massage. Surprise her with a small gift, or flowers, cook for her (or whatever your thing is). Something awesome and unexpected will definitely put a smile on their faces! I’m sure they'll find a way to thank you.

I know relationships aren’t always fireworks, box of chocolates, and roses. Every relationship has its ups and downs. But one of the ways to make sure your relationship stays on the up and up, is to ditch the silent killer of complacency as soon as it starts to creep in, before it kills your relationship.


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