Should we move in together? Yes:3 No:4

5 years ago
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Dear Buttons,

As a guy in his mid 20′s I find it odd that I’ve never found myself as part of a relationship where I live with a significant other. Part of me feels like couples who move in together after a couple months of dating just happen to be two clingy people that have found each other. What are some of the steps, signs and contrastive topics that couple’s engage in before one moves in with the other or do they just look for and co- sign a lease?

thanks!

-Ox

 

Dear Ox,

Sheesh! Ok, so this one’s a biggie.

Here are the reasons you should move in with someone:

1. They are your parents and you are broke.

2. They are a craigslist rando who seems cool (for a 55 year old anime “artist” with 40 cats), and they have a room in a KILLER apartment in the W. Village for only $500 a month and the promise to let them be little spoon.

3. Your relationship is ready.

Here are reasons NOT to move in with someone:

1. You feel like you should.

2. Money – 1 bedroom? 2 People? WAYYYYYY cheaper, but unless you’re buying bunk beds with your Buddy, I would advise against it.

3. Pressure to commit from either party – Shit or get off the pot? Why no thank you, I brought a book and I can sit here until I’m ready.

4. Everyone else is doing it – Well if everyone else fucked a rhinoceros horn with their heart muscle, would you?  Cause that’s what it’s gonna feel like when your relationship crashes and you have to find a new place to live while trying to pick up the shattered pieces of your obliterated soul.

Here’s the thing Ox…which…alright, kinda random pseudonym, but I’ll take it. You seem cool, and not like TERRIFIED of commitment, which is pretty damn rare for a guy in your mid-20′s. I don’t want to be bold here, but I say find the girl first (or guy…we’re progressive like that). Yup, find someone, fall in love with them, and then date the hell out of them for a LONG ASS TIME. I don’t care if they live in Queens and you live in Brooklyn, or they live in Jersey City and you’re in the Bronx (well…ok I do care. Why are you dating someone who lives in Jersey City? Seriously, have some standards Ox.), get on the muthuhfawking PATH train, and make it rain in your heart club.

Moving in with someone is a big ass deal. Apartments are small and poop smell wafts. They are going to know. They are going to know when you blow your nose in the shower, or when you accidentally pee a little on the floor. They are going to know when you eat almond butter with a spoon while standing in the kitchen watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and crying because it’s like really sad when Merrick dies. These are all things that will no longer be private. All your special little secrets are going to go flooding into the public domain, and in some relationships this ends up making the couple (or tri-ouple…we’re progressive like that) stronger, but you have to be really ready.

Anyway Ox, don’t take my word for it. This is some shit you just have to learn by trying.

Best of luck!

-Buttons

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