Most of us love sex and when you meet someone new who is nice, smart and good looking, it is tempting to jump in the sack as soon as possible. After all, if there is a mutual physical attraction, why wait? But here’s the rub: If you are looking for a committed relationship it is essential to hold off from performing the most intimate of physical acts at first because, by having sex right away you’re putting the cart before the horse, emotionally speaking. Sex is not the ‘be all end all’ of a relationship (although if you’re doing it right, it sure can feel like it!), but it is a tactile and ceremonial reflection of a genuine and profound connection between two people. If it isn’t, what you have is a fleeting albeit fun experience that, in the end, will leave you back where you started: alone.
If you are serious about being in a committed relationship the question of when to have sex should not even enter your mind until you are in a, drum roll please, committed relationship. Now, this might not be the answer you were hoping for but look at it this way: Let’s say you are casually dating a great person and you jump into bed with them right away. It may be great sex but they are probably dating other people and potentially hoping from sack to sack. Why would they be willing to have casual sex with only you and not countless others? If you don’t take the time to get serious with someone before having sex then the only thing you may get serious with is an STD and a bad reputation.
So what is the appropriate level of intimacy at the different stages of dating?
If you are on a first date or blind date, then lightly touching your date’s shoulder, arm or lower back is not only sweet, it will tell a lot about how you will react sexually toone another. Gentle caresses are both flirty and endearing. Gentlemen, guide your date through the door with a gentle hand to the lower back. It will be seen as old fashion charm and turn her on at the same time. Ladies, when he tells a joke, laugh and lightly touch his upper arm or bicep to show your lighthearted spirit. This will give you a chance to lightly fondle him without actually groping at him. Nothing is more stimulating then feeling one another’s body appropriately and with manners.
So, now let’s say you have been on a few dates and you are anticipating taking your physical relationship to the next level. It is time for the all important kiss if that has not already happened. You need to know if you connect physically so you know if you want to put more time into getting to know one another. Men, you should make the first move when it comes to first kisses. Ladies, let the man take the lead here. It makes them feel masculine and when you kiss them back they will feel confident as well as want to kiss you more. For the next few dates you can start holding hands, kissing many times throughout the date and continue flirting with gentle touches. Enjoy this giddy time in your relationship as you continue to connect emotionally.
OMG, you really like this person you have been dating for 2 months or longer. They are smart, funny, kind, engaging and interesting. You have a great time when you are with them and think about them when you are apart. You are ready to take this relationship to the next level and commit to dating exclusively. You are comfortable talking about your relationship with one another and you both feel that you want to move it forward towards something more serious. NOW IS THE TIME FOR SEX!!! YEAH!!! Go for it, enjoy, relax, and most of all have fun.
While most people may want to jump into the sack immediately when you like someone we find the more successful relationships take it slowly and enjoy getting to know one another over time. If a casual hook up is what you are after that is fine but not what this blog is about. The build up and foreplay leading up to a consensual sexual and loving relationship is part of the fun. Enjoy the journey of getting to know one another and we wish all of you successful relationships!