I love a good steamy love scene on TV. Reading about BDSM in 50 shades of gray is enough to make me salivate. I sometimes think about making a "naughty" movie of myself for my lover. I must have about three sexy pieces of lingerie that I secretly bought (and didn’t tell anyone about) over the years. So what’s stopping me from letting loose?
Oh, I know I’m not THAT old. I’m still pretty flexible. I don’t need a cane, though I have had to get glasses. When I get to pick between sleep and sex, I can easily be persuaded to sleep and hope I have pornographic dreams. I’m a passionate woman and I enjoy sex even more then I did at 20. In fact, there are some definite benefits now that weren’t there before. So where’s the issue?
Like most women my body is a road map of my life. I’ve had two children who are grown now. I’ve have my battle with cancer scares and lost an ovary in the process so my stomach with it’s large scar reminds me of the that huge mouth in the movie "The Thing" that opened up in the middle of the guy’s body and bit off the doctor's arms.
I’ve gained weight and lost weight... and gained weight, so I have what get’s affectionately called the tummy pooch. It tends to have a life of its own the minute I move too vigorously and, other then holding the darn thing in my hands to keep it from flopping everywhere, I don’t have much recourse but to deal with it until I hit the lotto and I can have plastic surgery.
I intend to pick the current playboy, pinup have her kidnapped, and then swap bodies. It worked in "Mars attacked" and there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work for me. Alas, until I do hit the lotto, I’m stuck with this body and the current pinup playmate is safe.
Image: jaa212 via Flickr
Seriously though, where did the taboo come from? It was never said that women who are 40 or older shouldn’t be interested in their sexuality. In fact, older women are getting a bit more acceptance thanks to television shows like Cougar Town and Desparate Housewives, however we are also getting more of a backlash thanks to them. We can’t all look as good as the gorgeous women on TV. Sadly, the more women who crop off with goddess genes or a good plastic surgeon, the more we feel that men are looking at us wondering "Why can’t she look like that?"
To be honest, my man has never made me feel anything less then drop dead gorgeous. He has eagerly tried everything I’ve asked and even read some of the sappy romance novels I’ve asked him to read. However, I still catch myself wincing at certain things that I can’t control. It seems grossly unfair that he is still pursued by young women and the most attention I get from the opposite sex is when a bagger offers to help me with my groceries. It really got me thinking of things that can help other women in the same boat as me.
Dim, Romantic Lighting
Turning the light off is my equivalent of pulling a bag over my head. Something that my lover doesn’t particularly like. He wants to look at me. While I know I’ll never understand exactly what it is he wants to stare at, I know that sex is a 2-way street. We can compromise on the lights being dim. It has an added bonus of actually softening my edges and wrinkles and letting catch a glimpse of the young woman I was when I accidentally look in the mirror.
Compromise on Those Sexy Clothes
I hate lace. It’s scratchy. I hate thongs. It’s all uncomfortable. However, to get my lover to wear what I want him to wear, which usually includes loose jeans unbuttoned, cowboy hat, hard hat etc., I know I have to bow down to his wants occasionally. We’ve gotten over this hurdle by him telling me what he wants and then trusting me to get it. Since I’m the one picking out the sexy nighties, I can pick ones that have a thin material under the lace that doesn’t scratch. Thongs can be handled if their not g-strings and in the course of this shopping I have found out that I love high heels and stockings. Especially stockings that pack you in like a tight sausage!
Porn Can Be Good
Yes, there is such a thing as too much porn. Yes, it can sometimes take our confidence and derail it quickly. I often feel like a plucked chicken next to the sleek tight swans on TV. However, I generally accept that he can occasionally watch porn and perhaps admire those tight young things on film and I can read 50 Shades of Gray and dream about Gerard Butler asking me to hold my arms up for cuffs. We love each other. We’ve been through a alot, and because I am almost 40, I’ve learned that just because one admires a painting at the museum, it doesn’t mean they have to take it.
There Are Pills For That
Alright there isn‘t anyone who doesn’t know about Viagra for men, but did you know there was also a pill for women? I have not tried it yet but I have a few friends who have and they marvel over the energy they have and the rush of pleasure they get from feeling passionate. Women have only gotten attention within the last 50 years or so regarding our sexual maturation. We were given the short end of the stick because people didn’t realize all the dynamics needed for a woman to climax and actually enjoy sex.
I’m fairly sure there are still women out there who have no idea that they are supposed to enjoy having sex. Especially among the older population. However we are learning and again one of the advantages to being older is you can take control of your sex life and enjoy it without as many of the hang ups of our younger years when we didn’t really know s much about our bodies.
It's Time To Explode
If you havn’t experienced a climax yet, it’s time you actually focus on it. So what if you don’t have a partner? So what if you do and he’s just not attentive? Take time to yourself and learn about your body. Work at it, build up the what makes you feel good, one step at a time, and then start incorporating it into your love life! Most of all, don’t ever deny yourself because the years are encroaching on you. There’s no reason you can’t enjoy your love life at, 40, 50, or 60. Your best counselor can be your doctor who can recommend things that can help you if you have any aliments that make it hard for you to enjoy yourself.
Don’t be embarrassed to talk to your doctor. This is the person feeling up your breasts and he/she might be the person doing your pap smears, so talking about sex is your next step up in your health life since it can be a benefit to your health and your emotional well being it’s important to have good communication with your health care provider.
It’s certainly better then patiently waiting to hit the lotto and go under the knife.