Some women explain being single as the result of not finding a man who has met their standards. Due to the lack of men who meet their standards, they have resigned to being single because otherwise, they’d be “Settling”.
So, what are these standards exactly? I find that at a younger age, mainly in your 20′s, our standards list can stretch from here to Zanzibar, and may be trivial to say the least. What’s interesting is that as we creep into our 30′s, and for those who are interested in creating families, the list begins to quickly diminish in size and goes from the dreaded “settling” to a minor “compromise”. So why does it take the pressure to procreate or to avoid being single in our later adult life for us to reevaluate the things we see as important in a mate?
As a woman before we set standards that are at times unrealistic, let think about a few ways that we can re-evaluate our standards as a means to getting the man we need in our lives, as opposed to the man we think we want. Here are three things to consider:
1) What are the non-negotiable?
This can differ depending on our age. In my early twenties, I made it clear that I would never date a man with kids. At 28, this would have been an unreasonable requirement. Most of the men who are in the late twenties, early thirties had at least one child. If this was something that separated me from the “man of my dreams”, I would have to been something that I would have to reconsider. Rethink those “non-negotiables”. First asses why they are non-negotiables to begin with. Play several scenarios in your head about how you could work around this, how it would effect your life, and don’t lead with the “worst case scenario” to make your decision. If you’re picking the right guy, chances are he wouldn’t let the “worst case scenario” play out.
2) What do you need? and Why?
Differentiating between what I needed and what I wanted was a lesson learned early on in life. You have to be clear about the difference and understand that you can live without your wants, but getting the things you need.....
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