What's the deal, really? Has my karmatic invoice arrived? Have I accumulated bad dating karma because I have killed roughly 30 house flies during the course of one Sunday? Did I break several mirrors? Is it because I keep riding the bus for free without buying a ticket? Is it the handfulls Splenda packs that my homeboy Ivan and I used to steal from Starbucks?
We're roughly the same age here and guys even dug her bald.
So should I just shave my head and call it a day?
OR is it because I am not trying hard enough to be zen and all forgiving, and thinking nice, positive things about my ex-bf The Englishman? And instead I think he was meanspirited, and a total faker with a personality like a frozen cod, with a too-hairy back?
Today I was remembering how he had this big, bad vericose vein on his leg that always made me think of an incubating alien ready to bury it's way out through his skin and go for my jugular while I was asleep. I used to have these fantasies, like at any moment I'd have to jump out of bed, grab a letter opened and get all Sigourney Weaver, and battle it's slimey ass.
The little things we compromise for love
Am I being punished for my harmless, yet shallow crimes?
Why haven't I ever had a normal, nice, authentic, non-cheating, non-opressive boyfriend that could actually tell me he loved me? Ok so maybe I did eons ago (bad timing). Why does a slightly younger, decent looking, sexual sociopath like Roberto have to be interested in me? (Oops, I think I just answered my own question.)
I'm actually not a lunatic, I'm a nice person (more often than not), fiercely loyal, and decent looking. But the moment I decide to relinquish my options for easy access to the handsome Italian sociopaths with their glibness and superficial charm... AND my one-woman united stand against internet dating - In order to seek out a 'specialized' site for environmentally conscious and pro-animal rights singles like me... To give it ONE MORE SHOT, and go through the whole painstaking labour of setting up a profile, posting several pics, then waiting patiently.... What do I get?...
No one my age wants to date me.
The profile pic: It just screams - lunatic, thief, murderer
I realise I may be subjecting myself to a weak demographic, with many men in their late 30's and early 40's already being married, but I am curious... Due to the fact I don't own a working television - Has a recent conspiracy come to light that all men of the civilized world at the age of 50 and up (give or take a year) must date women 10 or more years younger? And all men in their 30's and early 40's must date 25 year olds?
My attractive 50ish home-gals? Where do they fit into all this?
Will I be pegged an ageist snob because I opt to date a man a little closer to my own age? I have never had the resposiblility of kids, and live a fairly carefree quasi-bohemian lifestyle so just maybe I have a mental age and energy of someone younger. Could I be lynched for wanting to adopt a child, and prefer to do it with a partner my own age? 50 is only 10 years younger than my (birth)mother. Am I not allowed to feel a bit weird about that?
So if it's not a conspiracy - What is it? What's the deal with late 30-ish to 40ish guys?
If I only could only meet one, and ask.
I may be sweaty and melting in the hot sun, but I am still a contender.
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