It’s hard to believe that is was only three years ago I married my bestfriend. The last three years has been full of good days and mad days. We’ve disagreed and fought many times, (God knows how many!) and most of those fights happened after our daughter was born. We’ve faced true adversities and together we’ve learned how to make a marriage work and what true love is all about.
Here’s some of what I’ve learned along the way:
Eat and pray together. God gave everything we have right now. Through prayer, we can always talk to him, praise him and let him know how grateful we are for the blessing he gives us. Praying together should always be a family’s first priority.
Sometimes you just have to sleep on it. “Do not go to bed angry.” I’ve heard this advice a lot of times before we got married but sometimes the reason you fight it’s because you’re both tired and not getting enough sleep. And that some problems can be solved without doing anything; you just have to sleep on it. Things seemed a bit clearer if you had enough sleep.
Laugh it out. First thing that I love about my husband is that he makes me laugh. He’s even funnier when he’s trying out corny jokes just to make our stressful situation funny. I find his sense of humor comforting and it’s his special way to tell me that “everything’s gonna be alright”.
Acceptance. It’s been a rough start for us during the first year of our marriage. He’s a picky eater, he doesn’t eat any vegetable, snores a lot, sleeps late at night, leaves the bathroom all sloppy and wet, and watches NBA a lot. Everything of these are all opposite of what I have expected of him to be. I tried to change his ways but I can’t, and that’s ok, I have now accepted it. Over the years, we both finally learned to compromise and that helped us accept and adjust to each other’s differences.
“Sorry” won’t kill you. I have this mentality that “the boy should always say sorry first to the girl, even if she’s wrong.” That didn’t work for me. Girls aren’t always right, I’m not always right. If you did something wrong, be quick to say sorry and resolve the conflict right away. Humility strengthens marriage.
Don’t run home to your parents. You have your own family now. Don’t drag them into your marital problems. Solve your problems privately as you can.
Communicate more often. I love it everytime my husband asks me how my day went. He’s always interested to hear my stories. We talk about our family budget, our work, the good and the bad stuff and even the latest showbiz gossip on TV. I love it when we get to daydream and share things about our dream house, our plans for our daughter, our dream business and our future together.
Date nights are essential. No matter how busy we are with our jobs we find ways to have our date nights together. Alone time is nearly impossible these days, so we always end up having date nights with our daughter, watching family movies, waiting for her to sleep, then do our business.(yep, you know what I’m talking about.)
Do the dishes. Sharing household chores means that you care. My husband works longer than I am, and he can’t do as much chores as I am which I understand. But it seems that every after mealtime, he always takes charge of the dishes without me asking for it, and he got used to it. It’s one of those little things that counts. And I appreciate it about him.
Just kiss often. You don’t get to say I love you all the time. So make it a habit to kiss, waking up in the morning (even if your breath smells funny), before going to work, before you sleep, it’s also a great way to show your appreciation, to say thank you.
Be honest. Always tell the truth no matter how painful it is, enough said.
Be healthy. Dont ask your husband if you’re getting fat, ask the scales instead and do something about it — diet and exercise. Your husband loves you no matter what, but he needs you to be a healthy, confident wife. And so that you can grow old together, live together for a longer time.
Give compliments to each other. Compliments boosts confidence, especially when it’s from your spouse. I love it every time my husband gives me compliments in unexpected, unusual ways. It was Sunday, another nanny-less day, i just finished cooking chicken curry, my husband came home from work and i was cleaning the floor, haven’t taken a bath yet, my hair messed up, and i smelled chicken curry all over, out of the blue he said, “that shorts looks good on you, , you used to wear that when we’re in college.” Simple compliments melts my heart away.
Chill out, breathe. When you fight, don’t bring up the past, and other topics into the mix. If both of you get really angry. Bite your tongue, as in literally. Because you might say mean things you might regret. Go to a different room or better yet, get out of the house. And breathe.
We had one of those big fights few weeks ago, I went out of the house. I put on my iPod it was all jazz and bossanova music. I kept playing Sitti Navarro’s “I didn’t know I was looking for love” song, and it calmed me down. Then I wrote some sort of a eulogy letter for my husband. I don’t want him dead if that’s what you’re thinking. I called it eulogy letter because, you write all the good things about that person. Anyways, after I wrote it. I read it allowed and it hit me so bad. It feels like I’m about to lose him already. So I went home early from work and said sorry to him. We kissed and made up and “you know what” happens..:)
Next month will be our 3rd wedding anniversary. It wasn’t a fairy tale wedding but I have a happy marriage right now, and that’s all that matters. And as long as we’re alive we will continue to learn, grow and succeed with our marriage.
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