Radar, Muppets, and the Relative Sexy-Ex

5 years ago

Like I always say, he knows...  "He's got radar." Within 2 hours of my last blog post on Wordpress (where I mention HIM and his penchant for The Muppet Show), I got a text message from Cristian.

janis and piggy

(I suspect he likes them better)

"Hi, How are you?"

This is where I analyize everything to  a pulp: What is the reason for this text? Why is he thinking of me all of a sudden? We've barely been in touch for months since he bailed on me in Pescara last August. (Supposedly over projectile vomitting and diahrrea: A likely story!) Our only contact since has consisted of  a "Merry Christmas" here, a "Happy Birthday/New Year" there... Maybe it was 'the photo' I posted on Facebook... Maybe he saw it.

Shit. Games aside, he always liked me - ALL of me 'as is.' I never had to fake anything with him... Damn, he is so hot...


A few days ago I posted this photo on FB in one of my albums appropriately entitled "THE VANITY PAGE,"  It's not some fantastic pic where I look especially brilliant, in fact I had a fairly sizable zit on my face at the time, and my nose looks rather large from that angle. 

It's just me really.

 I wasn't really sure how I felt about it (like it or hate it) other than I actually look really NORMAL (despite I was pretty sick at the time), a bit plain, but with good lipstick. Despite my aprehension,  I posted it anyway. Fuck it, that is how I look today and most days, so who cares? (I also used it for my online dating profile as: Too good photos = too high expectations).

Keeping it cool with NO flattery ie. "Ciao Bello!!!" or anything to remotely engage or promote growth of a possible festering male-ego,  I simply replied to his text:

"Really bored, thinking of going to Rome for a couple of days, I need CHAOS! ... but right now I have got bronchitis. You?

"I am working. Here we are under a metre of snow. It's so cold. If we finish all our supplies it's not good."

"I'm sorry about that. Well, we'll wait another 4 months and then we can die in the heat." (See? I can keep it sterile, no engaging anything, no bone throwing... no begging him to run away to Bali with me... staying coooool. Let's see if he responds with anything equally as futile. If not, who cares right?)

"I don't see it now, but you put it up, that last photo that I saw - you are always more sexy."

Uh huh... Compliment-Red-Alert from former Holy Grail of Manhood. He called me SEXY. (This time I am NOT being sarcastic)

Should I have expected that? Should I comment now? NO... maybe later, and say thanks, he'll think I am polite as always, and I won't gush and I'll keep it sterile. SEXY - It's only a compliment, no big deal, you can take it or leave it... He's not your Holy Grail of Manhood anymore - Hugh Jackman, remember him? Ya, Wolverine. Cristian is married to a woman he doesn't love and likes The Muppet Show... Muppet Show.... Muppet Show.... Muppet Show.

Wolverine wouldn't watch The Muppet Show.

 "Does it look like I do puppets?"


hugh jackman

1 hour 35 minutes later: "I didn't mean any offense, only to make you smile a little."

"Certainly not offensive. Thanks."

See? I'm cool. Muppet Show... Muppet Show.... Muppet Show....



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