My husband decided he wanted to be a photographer this morning. I was rather apprehensive and self-conscious. Thoughts of what childbirth hath wrought in a photo did not make me feel so good.
Image: Sophie Asia, via Flickr
I laid there topless and in my Victoria’s Secret boyshorts for the few shots he took with the camera in his phone. I thought about all my shortcomings and wished for it to be over quickly. Once it was done, I felt very embarrassed and when he asked if I wanted to see them I flatly told him, “No.” He showed me one anyway and I still focused on what I was lacking, even though I could admit to myself that it wasn’t terrible.
A few hours passed and he then showed me his phone. He had taken one of the photos and put a black and white filter on it. It actually looked really great. I looked really great. It was in that moment I realized that this is what he sees. There were my stretchmarks and the stomach I don’t like on display, but seeing it through that lens helped me come to a better understanding about something.
Sometimes, we have to take a peek at how others see us so that we can begin to see ourselves in a better light.
It’s hard to forget the insults we hurl at ourselves or that have been hurled at us, but we have to try to replace them with something more positive. Seeing that picture made me understand why he wants to be near me, and it made me want to be near myself... if that makes sense.
I don’t think we have to understand our partners’ attraction to us, but we have to give it space to exist. I am guilty of not doing that, either out loud or just in my head. I’m resolving to stop being so hard on myself and see a bit of what he sees. It really is nice to look at anyway.
Originally posted at http://confessionsofanontraditionalmonogamist.wordpress.com/