As a single woman, one of the things that both annoys and amuses me is the way some people need to understand why I'm still single. It's not enough for them to know that I'm not married, they need to know why. It seems to bother them way more than it bothers me...particularly because it doesn't bother me at all. The thing is, for some, if I don't give them a really good reason why I'm still single after all these years, then they'll make up their own.
So, one of the chapters in my book, The Spinsterlicious Life: 20 Life Lessons for Living Happily Single and Childfree, is about this very thing. I don't owe people an explanation about my single status, though occasionally it bothers me that they feel they need one. What I should really do is let their "explanations" just roll off my back. If you're single, you should, too.
Here's an excerpt from my book. It goes into more detail and says it much more interestingly than I am right now.
Excerpted from The Spinsterlicious Life: 20 Life Lessons for Living Happily Single and Childfree. Copyright 2011. All rights reserved.
Here's Life Lesson #13: Let Labels Roll Off Your Back.
People want to know why you’re a spinster. If you don’t give them a good reason (or even if you do), they’ll come up with a reason of their own: She’s an odd- ball... difficult...angry...too picky. Maybe she’s gay. You don’t really owe anyone an explanation, though.
Here's how I came to that conclusion:
At some point, I’m not exactly sure when, I found myself explaining to people that, “no, I’m not gay, I just don’t want to get married.” Some of them
don’t believe me. What’s funny about this is it’s hard to deny that you’re not something that people have already decided that you are. If I was gay and in the closet, then of course I would deny it if asked, so denying it doesn’t really matter:
- I went to visit a friend in Tulsa one summer. She and I had been friends for many years. In fact, I fixed her up with her husband. We know each other well. She and I were enjoying a leisurely cup of coffee one afternoon while her husband and new baby were out. We were just shooting the breeze, or so I thought. At one point, she took my hand and said “I just want you to know that it’s okay if you’re gay. I love you anyway.” I laughed and said “well, that’s really good to know, but what makes you think I’m gay?” “Well, you’re still not married...and you wear your hair short...and look what you’re wearing; it’s kind of unisex. But, really, it’s okay.” (I’d never thought of it that way; I was wearing one of my favorite outfits: jeans, a white T-shirt, and cowboy boots. It didn’t occur to me that it was an androgynous outfit). I told her that despite those observations, I still Read more:
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