The Next Best Thing to the Best Break Up Letter

5 years ago
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I know we've all dreamed it.  Fantasized about it.  You know what I'm talking about...exacting revenge on an ex-boyfriend who wronged you.   So I stood up and cheered when I read the Best Break Up Letter--the "latest" viral sensation.  I loved it.  In it, she tells "Honey" that she discovered his cheating by accident and then exacts her revenge by sending him on a scavenger hunt to get his stuff back:   to where they first met, had their first kiss, and finally to Kelsi's house (the girl he cheated with).  It may be fabricated, but I hope not.  I'm cheering for the underdog and hoping that cheaters get what's coming to them.

Hell certainly has no fury like a woman scorned but most of us never act on it.  That's probably a good thing.  If we all opted for the Carrie Underwood Before He Cheats solution, we'd be in jail:

... I dug my key into the side of his 
Pretty little souped up four wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

The most we do is probably add a line or two to our prayers hoping he ends up in hell or the Jersey shore, either one God, it's your pick.  We quietly rage and pray for payback that never gets delivered.

So what if you can't write the best break up letter?  What can you do?  Short of revenge and hiding all his stuff, is there really any way you can get satisfaction (within the bounds of the law)?  I can't in good conscience advocate anything that may come back to bite you (which includes online "outing", Facebook bashing or nasty tweets)--remember your online activity is hard to erase!

Call me old fashioned but what's wrong with telling the new girl what a cheating lowlife he really is?  I can hear the online hue and cry as I write this.  "She's never going to listen."  "She won't give a shit."  I agree.  She (and LeAnn Rimes) probably both live in that delusional place that believes he would never cheat on her.  You have to accept that but what you  have done is plant a seed.  A seed that coupled with a few prayers may just germinate into full scale paranoia wreaking havoc on and ultimately sabotaging this new relationship.  Satisfaction indeed.  Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

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