Is that normal? I find myself asking that question lately. I'm 50 going on 60 and when the subject of sex comes up with my friends it's usually how the "sizzle has fizzled". I, on the other hand find myself exploring new adventures with my husband of 31+ years and asking him questions about how he likes what I'm doing and what pleasures him. And he is asking me too. And sometimes he even says things, like, "I need to get to know your body". What? You mean you don't know my body?
Believe it when I say, it started before I read "Fifty Shades of Grey". We were going away on a month long vacation to the coast and I had decided that in 31 yrs and at the age of 59, I wanted to explore some sexual adventures. Something I had never tried was giving him oral sex. It seemed like if I was going to do it in my lifetime, now was the time. So, I went to Barnes & Noble's and read a book, "Giving your man oral sex he'll never forget"...or something like that anyway. Wow! I thought, OK, I can do this. I'm not sure about the pearls and all, but in general, loving him in this way and experiencing a new level of intimacy - (how much more intimate does it get than having your husband's stuff in your mouth) was an adventure I wanted to try.
Now don't get me wrong. Our sex life had always been good and we had maintained monogamy once we settled into marriage, so we weren't longing for better, more or wild sex - at least at this stage. Maybe I should say I wasn't longing for better, more or wild sex. (I think he might have been wanting more.) I did try a couple of times to buy a book here & there that gave ideas, positions, toys, etc. but whenever we tried, it just seemed like we both felt a bit strange, like "this just isn't us". And our over "thinking" created a tension that put a damper on our pleasure. So we'd give it up and dissolve into our usual missionary-style position: oh so comfortable and rewarding.
But I was ready for this and I wanted it. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I wanted to see him lose control, while I did not. I wanted to see if I could do it. I wanted to love him in that way: selfless and only interested in his pleasure.
And so with mental notes filed, a sexy little chemise, and all the courage I could muster, I gave him something I had never given another. And it was wonderful. We discovered a new intimacy and lovemaking that was exciting and thrilling for both of us. And with our newfound courage and sense of adventure we decided that maybe it was time to try some other things.
So, stay tuned. As we, a happily married "older" couple, begin to explore our bodies together.