For those of you who haven't seen New Girl, this post might be a total wash for you. But try to enjoy it anyways. Let me just say - New Girl is hilarious. Every week, it ups the ante, and my hubby Ryan and I find ourselves clutching our stomachs laughing. It's not many a show that can do that. There have been a few.
Arrested Development. Modern Family. Community. Parks and Rec. 30 Rock. New Girl.
That's the entire list, right there.
You should watch it.
But if you have seen New Girl, I think you will no doubt delight in the fact that I have come to the conclusion that Nick Miller's alter ego and possible long-lost-twin is my husband. Nick Miller is an apathetic, somewhat socially inept, ridiculously cheap, and hilarious bartender from Chicago who has a keen ability for reading people's emotions.
First, we will talk about the very important traits that Nick Miller and my husband DO NOT SHARE.
My husband is not a womanizer.
He is not a big drinker.
He is gainfully employed and financially responsible.
He IS a proud and steady Lutheran. (Nick Miller's faith remains a mystery, although in the Christmas episode, Schmidt says "This is the last Christmas I spend with Christians!" and no one pipes up with "I'm not really a Christian", so I think it's safe to say that the rest of the loft clan is maybe a bunch of badly behaved Christians?)
In fact, my husband is very unlike Nick in his personal life.
That being said, all their similarities come from Nick's habits, sayings and general hilarity. For awhile, I kept it to myself that Nick Miller reminded me of Ryan, but then an episode came where Jess said to Nick, "You sigh constantly! You sigh like you are the President of the United States and you are deciding if you want to declare war!"
I turned to Ryan and was like, "OH MY GOSH. YOU ARE NICK MILLER!" My husband sighs all day long. When he gets up. After he eats. When he is sitting perfectly still doing absolutely nothing. When he hangs up a phone. When he picks up a dog. When he takes a sip of water. When he plays video games.
Since then, I have become more convinced that Nick and Ryan are long lost twins.
"A homeless ghost." AHAHAHHAAAA!!
Here's how my husband and Nick are the same person:
-They both are working very hard to look like crazy professors in tweed and hats that they find at the thrift store. They like pipes and Tolkien and old-timey man things.
- They find strange solutions to simple problems. For Nick, when he is suppose to rent balloons for a party and instead he rents a defunct hot air balloon, for Ryan it's when I need just a handful of dry, dead tree branches that are plentiful in our backyard, and I look out and he's standing dangerously high on the top of the ladder, and has duct taped a saw to the end of a broom handle and is sawing off some very alive tree branches.
- They both prefer refined liqour that the rest of us think tastes like turpentine (Scotch much?)
-They both dream of a man cave that "It smells like leather and Teddy Roosevelt and wistfulness."
- They are both terribly terrible dancers, but in an interesting way that makes you stop and look over at them and say "What's happening there?"
- They both have inherently pessimistic souls. For example, if I say "I have a cold." Ryan's response MIGHT be "Oh honey, what do you need?" OR it can be "Wow. I hope you don't give our doggies a cold and then they die from it" or "I heard on NPR that there is a super virus going around that you get from kiwi's - I hope you don't have that." WHAT????
- They make this face when they don't like something:
- They both hate haunted houses. I've never gone to one with my husband because that sounds like the WORST TIME EVER, but if I did, I'm sure that my wonderful, devoted, amazing husband would promptly abandon me, and or punch a clown.
- They are both very cute, very GRUMPY men who are looking forward to when they can be a grumpy old man publicly.
-They both like weird bands that no one has ever heard of. Oh, is that "Femur Alien Candy? I LOVE them."
-They both want to write books about zombies that will probably not be well-recieved.
- They both hate froo-froo restaurants "Help me! I'm at a fancy restaurant and I don't know what fork to kill myself with!"
Here's some Nick Miller quotes that remind me of my husband:
Nick to Jess: " Whoa, I forget what you look like when you're not dressed like a loft troll."
"I want to kill you...because I respect you. (PAUSE) I think I understanding hunting!"
"I respect him because he smells of strong coffee and going to see a man about a horse."
"I'm the guy who just can't jump into something if I don't know what's gonna happen. I've just never been that guy. I'm the guy that if I don't know what's gonna happen, I don't do something. Ever. I don't care how badly I want to do it. Like, if everyone went down to the beach and jumped into the water, I'm the guy guarding the wallets."
"I'm not going to a black barber shop, Winston. I've seen the movies. I know how fast they talk. I don't need to seem any less cool than I already do."
"Man! This coat has clean lines and pockets that just don't quit."
" I hate doors!"
"Sure, I could get drunk with only some crushed ice, a hollowed out papaya, and two fingers of rum. But then I grew up, and now I only want to make a drink that a coal miner would want. Straightforward, honest. Something that says, "I work in a hole".
Are you seeing it people? Nick Miller is my husbands fictional long-lost twin brother who really needs some help. It's funny, when you google "Nick Miller", all these things pop up of girls saying "I love Nick Miller". That makes me smile, because they are right. Even when Nick Miller is being crazy (like driving into the desert crazy), he's a wonderful guy, a guy that girls would feel lucky to have.
And I totally feel the same way. And I have the better catch. The real one : )
Even if he is the grumpiest old man ever.