Ok, I'm new to this whole blog thing, but I need some way to vent and get some feedback from people other than my family and friends who always just tell me to "leave him". It's not that easy for me. Here it goes:
So my husband and I have been together for 4 years, married just over 1 year. He was the love of my life, even with our struggles. He has always had an issue with disappearing. He will pack up his things while I'm not at the house, and simply leave without talking to me for months at a time, Before we got married, we had a conversation that if we are to be commited, he can't do that anymore! I can take it, and my children can't handle it. They aren't biologically his children, but he was supposed to adopt them because their father abandoned them. Anyways, I got home from work the other night, and ALL of his stuff was gone, and his ring is sitting on the table. I love my husband, and although this isn't right, I'm at fault I feel because I know this is what he does before I married him. He gets overwhelmed and runs away, then calls me crying a couple MONTHS (not days or weeks) later. When he does this, he doesn't answer my calls or texts, and has no contact with me. I FEEL SO STUPID FOR MARRYING THIS MAN! But at the same time, I loved him, I always forgave him, and when I said my vows, I meant every word!
But can I keep doing THIS? The crying, depression, not knowing if he's coming back this time (he always says he's done then crawls back), what is he doing while he is gone, is he thinking about me, does he care about me, if he loved me how could he leave... I'M DRIVING MYSELF CRAZY!!! But does anyone understand why I do this to myself. I know I can get someone different, I'm attractive, I have a good job, I'm under 28, I still have my life to live... But I'm stuck on stupid and I don't know why! I can't eat or sleep when he does this. I have almost come to think of it as my weight loss program, but I've already lost so much weight he's going to turn me anorexic. This is the only guy (I refuse to call him a man right now, cause men don't run away from their family) I have ever felt like this for. Before, if I was going through a break-up, it was not this bad. Maybe because with him it's complete abandonment and totally ignoring me that drives me insane. Hopefully someone can talk to me and help me through this. I have to have a strong face in front of my children, family, and friends so they don't know how much this is tearing me up.