My son asked me the other day if he can stay home from school the day before his Bar Mitzvah (October 2016).
He is totally planning ahead and I totally said um okay to put an end to the conversation but the conversation didn't end there. He then asked what he thinks we will do all day the Saturday of his Bar Mitzvah since the service and affair both take place in the evening.
I paused for a moment before telling him that we can always take an early morning spin class, just like I did, the Saturday morning of my wedding day back on November 17, 2001.
I tell you about that spin class memory every year on this date because as this November 17th anniversary date looms each year, I am faced with various memories and emotions, each year slightly different from the last.
This year in particular has been a bit different. Maybe it was my PMS hormones last week, maybe it's because I am planning my son's Bar Mitzvah, or maybe simply because it's just another year removed from the divorce process, it's all just a little more bittersweet.
When I am not writing this blog, I am writing about weddings for AllSeated and really love every single second of every single detail.
I whole-heartedly love wedding stuff and I still get real excited to talk to new brides, to brainstorm and create bridal and event industry articles, to see and pin the latest wedding trends...it always brings up the happiest sides of my wedding/married memories.
Ah the rose in each napkin! It was such a nice place setting touch.
I can't help but reflect on my own wedding lately, especially as I am running because running brings things out, thinking about how beautiful my dress was and how I would choose it all over again. That the flowers in our centerpieces were just what I wanted and the food, ohh the food.
I still recall the seven kinds of various chocolate cakes available on the Viennese table along with the actual wedding cake and a ton of other desserts.
I also can't help but play the What If game, stopping myself immediately because the What If game is a complete waste of time, a real zero in the productive thought department.
Although we can learn from experiences, we cannot beat ourselves up for things that have already transpired.
As I get older, I get better at walking away from what doesn't work for me and listening to my intuition the first time it speaks to me.
As I think back on my marriage and divorce though, I can honestly say that I didn't go against my intuition, that I absolutely did all that I could to save my marriage and I will never regret that.
My first response will always be that I did not want my divorce yet the experience and process strengthened me in so many ways. It taught me a lot about life and money, that the American Dream of beautiful homes and handbags will not equal happiness and maybe most importantly, I learned that one really can do really hard things even when you really don't want to do them at all.
Sometimes it's hard to look at the wedding photos and see my innocent face but I refuse to ignore this date like it never happened. It was such a wonderful time in life that to ignore it or dread it just seems so silly.
If divorce is the worst thing I ever go through, I am one lucky girl. So much in life is out of our control but if you have your health, then anything else is really just a minor inconvenience <- try telling that to someone in the midst of their divorce!
Meredith @ The Cookie ChRUNicles
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