I often encounter questions in regards to troubles both men and women are having in the bedroom. Everything from vaginal pain to lack of desire. Most times, those with questions are trying to find a quick fix to their problem or have attempted to self-diagnose themselves through the internet (which you should never do!). The most common question I come across is in regards to vaginal pain during sex. There are conditions that can cause vaginal pain during intercourse and some of those conditions are still being researched as to the cause of them. What I’ve found is, oftentimes, its not an actual physical problem causing the pain, but more so a mental issue.
Image: Steve Hankins via Flickr
The brain is THE largest sex organ in the body, for men and women. We women, especially, spend so much time in our heads worried, stressed, and distracted that we may not even realize how much our outside stresses are affecting our sex lives. When we get caught up in what’s happening at work or with our kids or our friends, we put sex on the back burner. When we do have that opportunity to enjoy a little fun in the sack, it may not be all that we’re expecting! EVERYONE is a victim of these mind games, so never think that you’re alone. Every woman and every man experiences this at some point or another, even if they are the horniest person alive.
Now I completely understand that its impossible to shut your brain off when you're trying to enjoy sex. I struggle too! Being aware of it is helpful, so assess what is causing your stress and see what you can do about it! If you’re having trouble within your relationship, address it. Maybe you're harboring some anger or resentment for something that happened years back, or maybe you have something on your mind that you haven’t been able to express to your partner yet. These things will affect your sexual relationship with your partner! Whether you realize it or not.
If you’ve managed to overcome your stresses and are still having trouble with painful sex here are some other things to try, and if they don’t work, definitely consult with your doctor.
Use a good water based, ph-balanced lubricant. Vaginal Dryness is common, and using a lubricant every day can act as a moisturizer for the vaginal walls.
If you think it may be caused from tightness, try working your way up! Try using tampons, work your way up to a small vibrator gradually increasing the size. You can also purchase vaginal dilator kits.
Foreplay is key! It generally takes women 20-30 minutes to get fully aroused. It takes men what…15 seconds?! Don’t leave all the foreplay up to the men though! Do what makes you feel sexy! Wear sexy lingerie, give him an erotic massage, get yourself warmed up beforehand! If you partake in foreplay too, he may be more inclined to participate!
If all else fails, consult with your doctor. Vaginal pain is something you should take seriously. Sex should be pleasurable, not painful! There are organizations that specialize on vaginal pain like the National Vulvodynia Association (NVA). The NVA also has a HUGE list of links and resources for other places with research on pain. Consult with your doctor FIRST before you self-diagnose!
Got any sexual health questions? Or questions in regards to Vaginal Pain? Feel free to submit any questions to the link below: