Only a few years ago you seemed lost to me for good. You were an impossible dream which I carefully hid as my secret desire. Years were flashing by and I was not brave enough to claim you on my own. You were moving further away from me and I could do nothing but watch. Then something wonderful happened; I met you father. Suddenly you were in reach. The world was an ideal place and there was enough love, time and devotion to bring you into this life.
For a long time I knew I wanted you, but after your father arrived all vagueness and fear floated away. The possibilities seemed endless. Sharing the same ideals, we found enough confidence in each other to add something beautiful to this world. Together we made our plans and worked away at creating you. We were late at starting and had so much to learn. There was just so much we did not know. Sometimes it seemed too overwhelming, but as one of us faltered the other came to the rescue.
Too soon we learnt that the task of having you was not as easy as first thought. Sure, we knew there could be delays, but it was early days and so fired by our desire at the love we knew we would create in you, we were undeterred. Soon, it was a round of doctors, tests and referrals. Suddenly, we had a whole team participating in our grand plan.
Make no mistakes, the costs were great; the specialists, the medicines, the procedures, the waiting, the delays, the disappointments, the setbacks, the doubts, the money, the travel, the time and the tears. Tears by the bucket load.
You know though, you are worth it. One day you will understand, with our help, the special lengths required to make sure there was a you. We hope that will help you to know how special you are and how much you were wanted. How you were the number one priority in our lives and how it all came about through love.
Your smiles, your gurgles, your scent, your joy have been enough to sustain us. We live knowing that you are near. We hope it is only a matter of time before we have success and you are so much more than a glimmer in your daddy’s eyes.
Until then, I will do my best to imagine you, My Baby. I will keep sending you these messages to let you know I am searching for you with love.