Dear Nicole Ari Parker
I hope you never have a thyroid problem, go through menopause, get lupus, lose a leg in in a car accident, have your face disfigured, avoid getting nipped and tucked, have heart problems that will stop you from doing your cardio exercises, or any other life challenge that might cause you to gain weight because your husband says that gaining weight is "unacceptable".
Credit Image: © Ricky Fitchitt/Washington, D.C./ZUMAPRESS.com
In a recent interview, actor Boris Kodjoe, Nicole's husband, spoke about the weight issue.
“What if I gained 200 pounds? And then she’ll [his wife] look at me like, really? And I couldn’t even blame her if she started looking around. Because I took her off the market, so I have to deliver what the market could possibly deliver for her. So, I gotta take that place. Right? So, I gotta fulfill those things that the market could’ve given her. I’m the market now, so I got to keep it hot and she has to do the same for me.”
I wonder if "200 pounds" was a drastic exaggeration that conceals the more realistic dissatisfaction he feels for a more common weight gain (about 20 pounds) that some women may experience. I agree that couples need to keep it hot for each other and I feel that both people in a marriage should do their best to maintain healthy weights, although sometimes... life happens.
This is my question: If a WOMAN states that one of the main reasons she married her husband is because he can financially provide, isn't she considered a gold digger? I believe this assumption is made because men would assume that her love is not genuine. However, if a man states that he married his wife because of her beauty and that she needs to keep it up by not gaining weight, he seems like some kind of heroic realist!
Come on now, really? Should it then be OK for a woman to be unhappy with her husband if he loses his job? Or if his business is not doing as well as it used to and he's not bringing in the money that he did when they first got married?(Or If he's not getting the acting gigs he used to?) What if he's not able to pay the mortgage anymore? I guess he "dropped the ball" just as the wife who has gained weight, right?? Oh, but I'm sure most men would be upset at the thought of their worth being tied to how much money they make, huh?
So, I guess if men feel the way Boris Kodjoe feels, they should make sure to hold up their end of the deal--whatever that is. Make the money (keep the money up!), keep the fame up (make sure others are still interested in them so you all can have the VIP treatment) , fix all the broken stuff in the house (please don't ever have physical ailments), and be the best lover (hope you remain virile until your death). If she married you for one [or all] of these reasons and you fail, she'll step out on you and/or leave you altogether. That should be fair, right?
Too bad, though, that based on history, a tight/big/small butt, big boobs, a beautiful face, long/short/soft/kinky hair, small waist, light skin, dark skin, size 2 pants, straight teeth, long eyelashes, skinny arms, thick thighs, small thighs, perfect toes, pretty nails, fuller lips... never kept any man in a marriage.
If you ask the ex-husbands of Elin Nordegren Woods, Angelina Jolie, Vanessa L. Williams, Shania Twain, Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston, Pilar Sanders, Phylicia Rashad, Jayne Kennedy, Christie Brinkley, Janet Jackson, Sandra Bullock, and a slew of other supposedly fit and beautiful women, if "keeping it sexy and beautiful" is the key to a man remaining faithful and loyal in a marriage, I'm sure those ex-husbands would beg to differ. It is safe to say that maintaining your same weight will not make your husband stay in love with you. It's probably one of the lowest factors on the imaginary 50th Year Anniversary Predictor Poll.
Ladies, it's important to look good and maintain a healthy weight and to do it for yourself first. However, don't go running to the plastic surgeon or engage in extreme dieting, etc. thinking this will keep your husband in love with you. No amount of hair weave, Botox, Liposuction, kickboxing, or pole-dancing will make him stay if he wants to go. There must be a deeper connection in your relationship.
We often wonder if our men love us unconditionally. My boyfriend thinks that there are always conditions. I do agree with that, however the conditions should not be superficial. If you believe that you have a man who is somewhat shallow about the true depth of a relationship, like Boris Kodjoe seems to be, he is probably not the one for you. By the way, Mr. Kodjoe, if your publicist hasn't told you by now, if you want women to go see your latest movie, zip yo' lip about their weight.
>p> What do you think? Is it realistic for a man to expect a woman to maintain her pre-marital weight thoughout the marriage? Is it OK for women to have superficial expectations for her husband if that's how he attracted her? What would be a healthy balance?
This is my blog posted on my website. For similiar articles you can find me at www.ImproveStellasGroove.com