4 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.
 "Lessons often come dressed up as detours and roadblocks." -Oprah
At 31 years young, I am learning that there is a time and place in which we should take off our mask and show another side to us. At times, you become tired of holding it together and want to fall apart only to pick up the pieces. Currently, I am in a vulnerable place in which I want to share a piece of my story to depict my journey from turning my mess into a message, my trial into a triumph and going from being a victim into a victor. 
In 2010, I found myself residing in Chicago, in the valley, on the verge of a divorce and at a pinnacle of my life. I was a HOT MESS! Day in and day out, I was having an out of body experience and living life on autopilot because it felt like my life was crashing down all around me. Yes, I lived in a nice neighborhood, in a decent, new renovated but expensive apartment within the Hyde Park neighborhood only a few blocks away from The Obamas residence and Jessie Jackson's PUSH Coalition, Headquarters but I was feeling less than Presidential? Because I was feeling broken, hopeless and angry. I asked myself 'Why' so many days and nights. I had plenty of ugly crying sessions, praying sessions and pity parties. 
One day while sitting in my Downtown Chicago cubicle, one of my coworker who I appreciate dearly and helped me to discovered my strength through the muck and mess that I was in. She looked at me while I was on the verge of a breakdown and kindly but firmly said to me, 'Andrea, you are such an amazing and talented woman, you are wasting your time and talents in Chicago.' Go home to your family because you need them.  At first, I was highly upset because she called me out on my ish! Honestly, I thought I had myself together because I was thriving at work but dying on the inside because I was going through it! I had to accept and take ownership that I was a temporary hot mess. How did she realize that I was a hot mess? I thought I had my stuff together but I was entirely wrong! 
During this process of being a mess and in the valley, I rediscovered a few things about myself:
1. There are authentic people who genuinely care about your well-being.
2. Divorces are tough but it make you a much more humble, tougher and loving person.
3. Crying cleanses the soul
4. I love myself and I refuse to compromise who I am
5. I learned that I am not a victim but a victor
Here are five ways to overcome a 'Hot Mess' Situation:
1. Don't beat yourself up, beating yourself will only make you feel worst. Stop trying to be strong all the time. Stop overanalyzing the situation because it is done. Just stop, be still and show an attitude of gratitude. Things can be a lot worst.
2. Never isolate yourself from people who are willing to support you. If you have family, friends or coworkers that are authentic and willing to love you within your hot mess situation, that's a beautiful thing. Let them love up on you. 
3. Cry! Some people have a difficult crying because of past remarks of crying equates to weakness. Crying is apart of our healing process. Crying is a healing agent. It help us to cleanse our essence and clear out the negative energy. It also help us to release the pain. Stop suppressing the negative emotions and just cry.
4. Serve others. I started mentoring before my divorce, in the midst of my divorce and after my divorce. Mentoring helped me to serve others who were facing difficulties. Mentoring helped me to realize my unknown strength. Serving others during a difficult time, is a humbling experience because you are providing a selfless act of serving. 
5. Celebrate your FLYness! Recognize and celebrate your greatness because you are an amazing and beautiful being. Go sightseeing, go to the spa, shopping, plan a trip, do something wonderful to celebrate you. For example, after my divorce was finalized, I celebrated by attending a Erykah Badu concert all by my lonesome. It was such a liberating experience because I felt like a caged butterfly waiting to be free. 
I wanted to share my story to someone who is going through some kind of struggle. You may be in a hot mess situation, with a bunch of hot mess kind of people but this too shall pass. It took me four years to openly turn my mess into my message because I was ashamed and afraid of the unknown. As, I look back at my hot mess situation, I am thankful that I went through the situation because I can triumph over my trials and tribulations, it helped me to fall in love with myself all over again, helped me to become a better wife for my loving and caring husband and the higher being brought me out of the darkness into recognize my light.  Never rush your hot mess moments or situations because it is developing your growth, strength, character and message. 
My Question to you this week: 
What message is being offered in your current 'hot mess' situation? How can you turn that mess into your message? 
Leave your comments, I'd love to hear how you will make your hot mess into your message. 



Brown Girl From Boston

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