Heidi S. Lepper, Ph.D. © 2012
Really, I mean it, go ahead and really look into someone’s, anyone’s, everyone’s eyes today! Hold their gaze, truly look deeply. Today will be a powerful, magnificent day indeed!
I am going to change up a bit my style of writing to get personal: You see I have been living in Moscow, Russia for a few years now, a place where largely foreigners (particularly an obvious bright eyed American!) looking into the eyes of the locals is well, shall I say, not very welcomed. Thankfully for my sanity I live largely amongst a group of other foreigners and they take kindly my interactive style (which is friendly and open). But I had no idea the effect until just the other day. My newfound friend Lynn (she’s Canadian) from the new church we’ve been going to needed to explain to the priest who I am. Father Michael (he’s Irish) was unclear at first and so she explained that I’m the small blonde with the two boys and the tall husband who’ve recently joined mass. He says to her “Oh, you mean the woman who LOOKS at me during my homily?!” Lynn was confused, so he said further “She really looks at me, right into my eyes, as though she’s really listening to me!” Lynn tells me she found this funny as her first thought was “Well I wonder what the rest of us are doing if Heidi is the only one looking him in the eyes?!”
Lynn and I had a good chuckle over this…but I’ve been thinking it over since. When you really look into someone’s eyes you can have such an amazing impact! Without my even being aware, I have been making an Irish priest’s Sundays a bit more inspiring because I truly look him in the eye…I really look! And he apparently appreciates the connection.
So today from a land far away, I ask you to put down your phone and LOOK at someone! Hold her gaze! Sit forward in your chair in a meeting and LOOK at the person whose talking! Right into his or her eyes! Turn off that laptop that keeps dutiful notes, and LOOK at the person you’re listening to. When your child wants to tell you something, stop what you are doing, put it all aside and LOOK into her eyes! While on the subway, gently look at the person across from you and give an acknowledging smile. While checking out at Target, take a moment before swiping your card and look into the cashier’s eyes to mark the moment. Really connect with people today! Then at dinner tonight, sit across from your spouse, your housemate, your fiancé, whomever and LOOK into his eyes! Really look! We humans need this connection, deeply! We are meant to interact face to face, we are meant to see each other, we are meant to listen to each other for we need each other (it does not make you weak because you need others by the way!).
I am firm in my belief that many relationship troubles, daily struggles, communication problems come from us not truly looking into the eyes of the other nor them really looking into ours. Now if you’ve been reading my blogs you will see I write a lot about emotions. I want you to stop for a moment, close your eyes and imagine looking into the eyes, truly connecting with others…what wells up? Niggly uncertainty, perhaps? Something you can’t quite identify, perhaps? Any thoughts that suggest ‘Why do I have to be the one to start the looking?’ Hmm. I think we may be onto something then! And I may just circle back to that in a few weeks, so stay tuned!
But have faith that even with a bit of inner niggling looking into someone else’s eyes today is going to go a long way to making your day and his or her a LOT better!! We are meant to connect. I mean really people?! Who needs “50 Shades of Gray”? We don’t need it! All we need is true, honest to goodness, mutual eye contact, true intimate gazing! So tonight, go sit down or walk over or stand in front of and look into your spouse’s eyes and HOLD that gaze. Trust me, if you hold the gaze, honestly and openly hold it, something will happen! Allow it to happen! Even by just thinking about it, I bet you feel something! Go on, put that book down, and LOOK!