Step 1 - Taking Care of ME
Whenever I hear people complaining about an apathetic sex life, the first thing that comes to mind is that phrase you’ll hear while taxiing down a runway - if the oxygen masks are deployed, put your own on first before helping others. I have a bit of a background around aviation; my pilot husband was my fourth and final flight instructor, so perhaps it not unusual that I often see things through a flying lens.
The fact is it’s hard to feel sexy if you’re not taking good care of you. And face it, with our busy lives, whether we’re students, parents, partners, caregivers, employees, business owners or, more likely, some combination of those and more, the last person we remember to love and pamper is ourselves. The most powerful erotic tool you have is big and bad and resides not in your pants but in your head; it’s your brain. Arouse your brain and watch your body follow. When you’re tense, stressed, running from one thing to another, when you feel harried and unattractive instead of hot and interesting, your brain isn’t going to make an easy transition to the sexy, sensual space you need to be in to have the rocking sex you crave.
A large part of the problem is when we think about pampering ourselves we often think of things that are out of our price range, take too much time or we may feel we’re being selfish if we put ourselves first. Let’s start knocking down those obstacles one at a time by focusing on ME.
Bearing in mind that old but true adage, use it or lose it, masturbation reigns supreme when it comes to keeping yourself feeling sensual, sassy, sane, and sexy. And – bonus - it’s free! You only need yourself and a few spare minutes. While I don’t expect everyone to follow my admittedly wild masturbatory ways – I’ve pleasured myself in my car, in my office ladies room, in dark corners at clubs – you can always, with a minimum of effort, find a time and place to get off. If fingers and hands don’t do it for you, there’s a plethora of sex toys out there that will enhance your solo sex sessions. Wanna know my secret masturbation weapons? Lube and a discreet vibe. Lube is the least expensive thing you can buy that will have the greatest impact on your sex life - solo or otherwise. If your wallet allows, try several kinds: water based, silicone, hybrids that combine the two, warming, cooling, and flavored. Lube is your friend. Remember, if it’s good, it’s going to be even better with lube. So turn yourself on and watch all that juicy sexual energy turn others on which in turn will serve to keep you turned on…and let the cycle of sexiness continue.
Note the first two letters in the word meditation. Yup, you got it. ME. Meditation quiets the mind, gets you in touch with your center and gives you a retreat wherever you are. Sure, you could travel to India, a la Eat, Pray, Love if that puts the lift under your wings, but that’s kind of pricey, impractical and unnecessary for most of us. Lighting a scented candle and focusing on your breath can transport you from stressed to soothed in five minutes or less.
Now, fly a little higher, combine meditation with masturbation by taking half an hour to sink into a warm bath. A scented candle and a bath salt add aromatherapy, a waterproof vibe adds buzz and you’re good to go (and come). Feel the tension leave your body as you think about settling into warm, scented water, closing your eyes and feeling the mist swirl around your face and shoulders as you breathe in the luscious scents that permeate the air and the water, before slowly gliding a silky, smooth vibe along all those neglected and deserving erogenous zones.
When you think about what’s truly selfish and self-indulgent, think about choosing what exterior you present to the people closest to you and the world at large. I’m willing to bet hurried, hassled and frantic is not how you’d want others to perceive you. So taking the time to pamper yourself is truly one of the most selfless and giving things you can do each day.
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