I read a study or a poll of some sort in the news suggesting that married couples have sex on average once a week. Some even have regular 'dates' to make sure their marriage stays special. In the he said she said blog on babble Monica offers sage advice to just go for it and make your husband happy even if you aren't really that bothered. I always feel queasy when I read stuff like this because I know that my marriage isn't hitting those kind of stats. Once a month is a good month. Once every three months is more like it. My husband and I fancy the pants off each other and we love making love, we talk and kiss and try to take care of each other in small ways.
But my husband has Crohn's disease and doesn't feel very sexy most nights. No one ever mentions those living with illness in these stupid studies designed really only to give your partner fuel in a battle about how often you do it. I mean really, who is funding this valuable research? So it is the magazine style news culture which I am of course drawn to and it makes me feel bad - as though my rather sexless marriage is somehow less than...deficient in some manner.
We knew a couple who were super sexy. They oozed sexual energy and worked out and dressed to impress. Always bikini ready and quick to gossip about their latest sexual adventures. I bought a phone off of them and they had some racy pictures accidently left on there. Two kids and eight years later...living apart. One in Costa Rica and the other in Calgary.
Sex is great, it really is. When life can feel rather mundane and lack spark, it can make you feel special and loved. But it ain't a marriage, simply part of it. Sometimes it feels as though the culture of asking 'how far did you get?' in the boys toilets hasn't changed much.
My advice to married folks:
Sometimes you will fuck.
Sometimes you will hold on.
Sometimes you will turn away.
Sometimes you will make love.
Alway be in it together.
Get busy living or get busy dying
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