There are probably thousands of articles on how to keep your love life spicy when you have infants and just as many when you have young children and yet there seems very little in the way of us parents who are single and have teenagers.
For those who don’t have teenagers or no kids at all I can’t help but be amused by some of the things I hear.
“ You’re so lucky you can leave your kids home and go out and enjoy yourself. “
First off I have 2 teenage sons so it is with them I am basing my experience. However I also know people who have daughters so I will pull some tidbits from that as well. I have to say the dating scene is a lot different with teenagers in the house. If you have infants or young children you introduce them gradually or not at all if you intend on pursuing a purely sexual relationship. We do this carefully because you don’t want to confuse the children or make them feel like mommy doesn’t love them because she’s sneaking off with a strange man ( or woman ) instead of sticking to her mommy routine.
I’m here to tell you yes I can leave my sons at home and go on a date. However because my sons are grown they can not only developed an issue with mommy dating they can developed a plan to sabotage it. Yup when I dated someone my kids didn’t like I could get ready and find my keys gone. I could tear the house apart and of course my sons would innocently help me but it certainly made for a rocky start. Worse however was their tendancy to call me every few minutes with complaints or worse still, guilt trips. Those are things that women with little kids or infants certainly don’t have to put up with! Not to mention going on a date when you have teenagers in the house is like going out and having your mother grill you before and after. Plus they can be downright hostile if they don’t like your date.
First thing establish rules. You might think your son or daughter knows a polite way to deal with their apprehension but don’t count on it. The best thing to do is hit it head on. If this a casual one night stand be honest enough to tell them it’s not serious and promise you will let them know when it becomes serious. Then stick to that promise. Ask them what they think is an appropriate time for you to be back and expect to get the same answer you give them when they want to go out. Home by 9 during the week and 11pm on the weekends. you may need to raggle with this.
If they don’t like your date ask them why. Don’t just assure them that the date in questions is a nice guy he may not be later down the road! This is especially important if you have a daughter who is very nervous around this newcomer. Try to be as honest as you can. If your son thinks your date is a jerk ask him if that’s based on something that was said or done. Not everyone handles kids well especially when its not theirs. Be prepared by letting your date know how the kids feel. You don’t want them to think everything is wonderful only to be treated to a hostile glare through the window when they kiss you tenderly on the doorstep. They may have dealt with this issue before and can help you plan a way to make it easier on yourselves.
Maybe try to date during the day when the kids are in school or trade off dates on the weekend where mommy’s date will be on Sunday and your kids night out will be Saturday and then switch it. Most important of all ask your kids what you can do to make it easier on them. It might be something as simple as calling them at least once while your out to let them know you are ok. A little treat for them to have when your gone doesn’t hurt either maybe a pizza night and one friend over to watch TV or ice cream if it’s not a staple in your house.
“ You must have so much free time now that your kids are grown! “
When I hear this I just want to laugh hysterically until I cry. It’s a good misconception. Teenagers going to school, working. driving themselves to practice and doing errands for you. Not my little angels they get involved in everything from soccer to football if you have daughters there’s cheer leading and these practices can take a huge chunk of the day. Most people I know have two cars and a lot of single parents like me have 1. Therefore I have to drive them around to all these meets. Then I have to go shopping for food and things for the house. Then pick up one son and run him to band practice and another son back home to do homework. I mean it’s a wonder we have any interest in sex at all!
This is one of those things were you might have to lean on friends or family, If your teens have any practice with friends at the same time work on car pooling one or two days a week. That’s not much but you can free up some time to slip away into the bedroom with your lover and take advantage of it. Just make sure it’s understood all the way around that you cannot indulge in lunch and then a romantic walk unless of course you are working on a serious relationship in which case the two of you together should be able to work out a schedule of your own.
“ It must be nice being able to sneak away for some intimate time. “
Yes it does sound nice I’d like to try it sometime since I’ve never been able ‘ sneak ‘ anywhere.
I’m lucky my boys are crazy about my man and he’s just as crazy about them but being buddies’ doesn’t make bedroom time sacred. In fact I have had a wonderful night only to walk out the next morning to packing tape across my door and on the floor. Since they want time themselves my kids will knock and then waltz right in although I’ve told them many times they might see something that will send them to therapy for life if they keep it up. So far I just get wide eyed innocent grins so it’s rather hard to stay mad.
Then of course there’s the eww factor. Making out on a couch is ok for your teenagers but I’ve learned doing it is liable to incite comment.
“ Eeeew! Gross! “
“ Oh yea way to go mom! Slip him some tongue! “
This is usually the equivalent of a bucket of cold water on a couple dogs in heat. Still keep at it and you should be able to find a middle ground. Don’t expect to win all arguments or get your way because your the adult you may need to compromise some what. I can mention one good thing though about being an adult. We can at least rent a motal room!