'Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed.' The Bizarre World of Internet Dating

3 years ago

Today I am going to share a dating story with you.  Without embellishment it could fill seats at the Odean Leicester Square!

I should probably point out  that I am nearer to 50 than I am to 40 and should definitely know better.....

I had been on Match.com for a number of weeks with a few single dates under my belt (note I didn't say below my belt) but not much to write home (or here) about.

 I then got a message from a man called Ian.  I would normally ignore any correspondence from someone who doesn't show their picture on their profile because this immediately throws up a red flag (RF).  This says two things to me - that they are married or in a relationship or they are not your average Brad Pitt.  I cannot remember how he persuaded me to start messaging him; but I do recall that his profile read pretty well - not too brief and not too long and egotistical.  After a couple of days messaging, I asked him to email me a photo and then mistakenly gave him the wrong email address!  He was obviously eager to share his picture as he succumbed and posted it on his profile on Match.com but then got a little tetchy with me because once the photos were on there they couldn't be removed!!(Served him bl**dy right if he had a reason for them not to be on there).

 When I heard they were on the site I opened up his profile and was far from disappointed. Our Ian was a bit of alright.  If I had been in the room when one of the photos was taken his beautiful pressed black shirt would not have stayed on his beautifully sculpted chest for long!! Phwaw. I knew he must be good looking, because when I showed the photo to my sister in law she said 'Wow he's really nice looking.' That's what she said but from the way she said it I understood her to have meant 'Wow, I can't believe he is interested in you'.  

 A couple of days later he asked if he could call me.  The conversation flowed pretty well but wasn't as relaxed as it could have been.  Regardless we agree to meet at a sculpture park near Leeds.  I was of course excited to meet the gorgeous Ian and was not happy that it was peeing it down that day and I do not possess a sexy mac.  One thing stuck in my mind as I prepared to meet him and that was his warning that he is very demonstrative.  Talk about an understatement!

 I was the first to arrive and sought shelter inside the main gallery.  He text me to say he had arrived, so I made my way out to the covered walkway.  As I walked out he stepped out in front of me.  I wasn't too disppointed.  He was a little shorter than he'd told me (they always are) but he was very good looking with mesmerising green eyes.

 Within minutes he has told me that I am far more attractive than my profile pictures - they always say that - but I thanked him anyway.  We started looking round and I made small talk while he took us on a circuitous route round the gallery that for some strange reason kept involving trips up and down in the lift. As we walked around he was doing a fabulous impression of Meg Ryan in the closing scene of Sleepless in Seattle where she says nothing but cannot take her eyes off Tom Hanks.  I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable - lovely and flattering as the attention was.

 We began to get into our stride and about 20 minutes in we come across a sculpture which is basically a shower cubicle made from various colour glass bricks.  It was about 3 foot square.  He asked me if I wanted to step inside.  Not wanting to miss out on any art installation experience, I agree.  We step inside and he closes the door behind us. It is cosy.  What do you say to a stranger while standing fully dressed in a 3 foot wide glass shower cubicle?  He asks me if I feel comfortable being in there with him.  Perhaps what I should have said to that was 'I would feel more comfortable on my own with a loofa and a bar of soap.'  I hope I timed my exit so that it didn't come across as a bolt but was long enough to show my appreciation of the artwork and my pseudo comfort of being with him in there.......

To read the conclusion of this bizarre first date experience please visit my blog:


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