If you’re a guy, you might think that telling a woman on an internet dating site that you are excited to get to know her and you think she might be “the one” would light her up, right? Wrong! What lights up are the flashing red lights.
While I’d love a forever partner with all the qualities important to me who thinks I’m the best thing that ever happened to him - Who doesn’t want that? - I want it to be real! That is to say I want to be known for who I am before someone makes those declarations.
So here’s a little “internet dating” advice for men . . .
A woman wants to be known for the unique, complex, individual person that she truly is. If you don’t know her, how can you love her? How can you provide what she needs? How can you protect her? Be interested. Ask questions. DON’T assume she is anything like someone you know or knew because she reminds you of them. Take time to discover HER. She will likely return the favor.
If a woman writes and asks questions – answer them. She needs to know you are paying attention. If you’re not, she is not safe. What’s important to her doesn’t have to be important to you – SHE is important to you, so you listen and you answer the questions so she knows you’re listening. If you’re not listening at the beginning of a relationship when everything is rosy and new, the future looks pretty scary.
If a woman tells you she’s working on a creative project – a book, song, quilt, play, whatever – mention that when you respond. Our creative expression is very important to us. If you step over that, you may lose before you’ve begun.
Coming on too strong too soon screams that it’s not real; that you’re already in love with some ideal that has nothing to do with me. And like many women, I know that if I’m taken in by that fantasy at some point I’ll fail to live up to your ideal and it will get ugly. We’ve “been there, done that” and we know you will be devastated when you find out we’re not who you thought we were; and we will be heartbroken to discover that once again we’ve given our heart to someone who never really saw or knew us.
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