So I have this "friend" who won't give a guy the time of day unless he's gorgeous. She's quite attractive herself, oddly though, it's not really her prettiness that compels her to set such high superficial standards.
Although, if you ask her she might say it is.
I have an altogether different theory.
Many pretty girls tend to think they are only as valuable as they are pretty. Their biggest fears are age, fat and anything that might cause ugly.
Enter good old-fashioned insecurity. Anytime we as humans associate our worth with things that are not sustainable we become insecure.
We also become very harsh critics. Sometimes we smack the swift open hand of judgement down on other people, but it's a tickle compared to the way we beat up on ourselves.
In fact, if an insecure pretty girl had a five-year-old daughter and spoke to her with the cruelty that insecure pretty girl's mentally lay on themselves hopefully someone would call Child Protective Services.
The most unfortunate thing is that people assume that because a girl is pretty she can have any man she wants. Speaking sexually, that is possibly true. However, most of the time insecure pretty girls end up with the guys who ultimately make being alone a much more practical option.
Is it because the guys are jerks? Is it because pretty girls are just so pretty that guys are afraid someone else will take them away so they break them down? Is it because insecure pretty girls just have no luck?… No, sometimes but rarely, and no.
Insecure pretty girls judge a man based on how much money he has, how tall he is, how good looking, etc. (Many times a man really only has to have two out of the three for an insecure pretty girl to want him.) If he doesn't want her, or is smart enough to know how to pretend that he doesn't want her, it will drive an insecure pretty girl insane with desire.
Why? The biggest problem that an insecure pretty girl has is the basic human law... We are who we think we are and we always attract who we are. An insecure pretty girl can connect to abuse and neglect faster than Rihanna got back together with Chris Brown.
So since beauty is in the eye of the beholder how do we know if we are an insecure pretty girl? What are the qualifications?
Here's a quiz.
1. Have you refused to consider a date with a guy who doesn't look as good as Channing, Boris or one of the Ryans because that would be "settling"? In other words, is immediate sexual chemistry a criteria?
2. Are you rude to guys that approach you when they are short, badly dressed, don't seem rich, or are just "not your type".
3. When "undesirable" men react to your prettiness do you become angry at their audacity?
4. Or, are you repulsed by sweet offerings and respectful flirtation from men who are not "hot"?
5. Have you ever changed your feelings about a man from repulsed to interested because you found out he was rich?
6. Are most of your dating "standards" numerical? 6'2", 195lbs, 33 - 35, 6 figures, 0 kids, etc.
7. Do you worry that the best parts of your life will end if you ever stop being pretty?
8. Do you have a slam session with yourself every time you see a mirror? Even if it's a little one. "Look at my hair.", "My skin sucks." "Why are my thighs so fat today?"
9. Do you struggle with showing compassion for other people. Especially if they're not pretty.
10. Do you end up in crappy relationships with guys because your only criteria for being with them was that they be attractive or rich?
If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions you are definitely an insecure pretty girl. Not to worry though. It's never too late to come to certain realizations.
1. A man can only love you as much as you love yourself.
2. You will age, the guy that's attracted to your outside but way more curious about your inside, won't want to trade you in for a newer model because he's interested in the parts of you that no other woman has.
3. It's important to be kind to everyone. Even the guys you don't want to date.
4. There will always be another insecure pretty girl who is much prettier.
5. In love we always get what we ask for and more importantly what we deserve.
6. "Loving yourself" is not buying expensive shoes or a great outfit. It's knowing that your soul and mind are unique and being unafraid to express them.
7. You're more valuable helping people in a dirty t-shirt than sitting at a bar looking your best.
8. Have equal opportunity standards. Don't let a tall guy get away with what a short guy couldn't.
9. Getting to know someone shouldn't be burdened with expectations.
10. Nothing is more beautiful than real love.
So there you have it. Alright, time to come clean, my "friend" is actually my 30 year-old self.
Take it from a former insecure pretty girl, if left unchecked insecurity grows. Don't worry, time will handle the other two.
BE the Love of your life.
- Candy SEZ
More from love