I saw this photo of a quote on Facebook this morning, “If he’s dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go.” I shared it without adding any extra comments. Will Bartender Boy see it? Maybe, maybe not.
Most people going through a disappointment, breakup, or heartbreak tend to make themselves, or friends, feel better by saying stuff like, “It was their loss,” “You are too good for them” or just bad mouthing the other person. I don’t want to hear any of those things. Because of my overall trust issues, I never believe those things. Instead, I think my friends are lying to me to make me feel better. But, this quote struck me a little different.
Yes, it is meant to make a woman feel better that some guy just walked out of her life, but it doesn’t truly put either person completely down, or up. It kind of says it like it is. In my case, I do think Bartender Boy was dumb for walking out of my life. Did I make mistakes? Absolutely. Did I really screw up? 100 percent. Did I apologize, and care enough to admit all those those things, as well as work to try changing them, and be totally honest? I did.
Image: Nathan O'nions via Flickr
I think that says something about the type of person I am. I admit my mistakes. I don’t give up on things I believe in and try to correct my actions and better myself. Look, we all make mistakes, but to do the things I just described, takes something, and should mean something. If Bartender Boy cant see that, than maybe he isn’t mature enough for what I am looking for.
It takes a lot for me to get close to someone and fully trust them, but once I do, I’m all in, whether it be a friend, or boyfriend. Hiker Guy has repeatedly told me he doesn’t understand why I haven’t been in a relationship in a very long time.
“You have so many great qualities to offer that someone would want. You are pretty, successful with a great job. Love the outdoors, sports, open minded, enjoy traveling, appreciate good beer and wine and the sex is great.”
“So then, why aren’t you with me?”
“You won’t let me in, or fully be there for you. You are too committed to your job, you travel too much, and you are never here.”
“Well, you are not the first person to tell me that.”
I guess, mostly because we talked a lot about it, I thought Bartender Boy understood me and my issues. We talked about my travel, and my job on more than one occasion, and he told me he understood, and if those guys didn’t understand it, than it was their loss. Once he did say that I traveled too much for a relationship, but that if he were in the job he wants to be in, he would be doing the same thing, and would understand.
We connected on a ton of levels. We both have family issues, both wanted to prove people wrong, both were slightly insecure, and understood each other on multiple levels. That is hard to find in this world. Were there things about him that I didn’t like? Yup. But, not everyone is perfect, and I respected that and thought he respected me enough to get past my issues. I know it’s a lot to ask of someone, but I guess, because we had what at least felt like this deep connection, I thought he would be willing to accept them, and work through it.
I know saying we had a deep connection sounds silly, but he would know exactly when to call, or text. I cant even count the number of times I was having bad moment or was stressed out and I would randomly get a text message, or call from him. It was like he just knew. We talked about goals and aspirations. What our dreams were, our outlook on life, the fact neither of us want kids. We shared photos and videos that I would never in a million years have with anyone else. He knew all my career goals and failures, and about many of the stupid mistakes I’ve made. And, I knew the same about him.
Neither of us judged the other. Why would you walk away from that?
I guess that is the part I am struggling with the most. Never-mind a significant other, but even just when it comes to a friendship, which we had well before I started to kinda have feelings for him, or we talked about having sex, it is hard to find that connection. To me, that is something special, and is not something you just throw away.
That said, if he is dumb enough not to realize that, and walk away, than why should I keep caring enough to try and stop him?