I Will Never Be That (Other) Woman

3 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.

Sit down because I am about to get really personal.

I loosely planned to talk running today but loosely is the keyword in this sentence.

Just like I can't plan my meals in advance very well, I can't totally plan my posts either because I like to discuss what feels natural and what's on my mind at the moment.

Talking to you each day is an interesting thing. You know so much about me yet of course, there is stuff that falls through the cracks as certain topics don't always fit in to what we are discussing.

There are also some topics (like personal life stuff) which become taboo for bloggers or at the very least, are considered too personal to share. But see, sometimes, that shouldn't be; we all go through similar situations and knowing you aren't alone can make some of those experiences easier.

I went through something interesting recently and the more I reflect on it, the more I realize that I have been through it before but from the opposing viewpoint. Having now been in both positions with perspective from both sides, I feel the need to share...

I was involved with someone for almost two years up until very recently. You may have caught him in the backgrounds of my photos, his hands near my cake or sushi, little mentions if you read between the lines...

Image: Meredith via Cookie ChRUNicles

..I had no idea that I was being lied to. No idea that he was living some sort of double life. No idea that as we started dating and spending more and more time together, the foundation of our closeness lacked complete truth. No idea that what would break us apart from time to time over the last two years, what would send me into thinking that maybe he wasn't the person for me, wasn't even based on what was really taking place.

No idea that he got engaged months ago to a girl he had been seeing the entire time we were dating. He was not going to tell me.

I spoke to him more than anyone else on a daily basis. He was a loyal blog reader (loyal is a funny word to use in this post), a non-runner who supported my running and someone I liked enough to even share my food with sometimes.

Image: Meredith via Cookie ChRUNicles

The Melting Pot January 2015.

He read the draft of my Divorce and Co-parenting e-book before anyone else and helped me to review the Red Mango smoothies way back in the day.

He made it to my favorite food partners list and even shared in my love for hockey, going to games with me as recent as a few weeks ago and as far back as the first ever Islanders preseason game in Brooklyn (September 2013).

Image: Meredith via Cookie ChRUNicles

Plans were already set for my birthday (in June) which would have been a few weeks AFTER the date of his wedding. Call it divine intervention or just having a really good friend putting some pieces together, I found out the truth. And that was that. I was finished and done. Cut all communication.

I lost my best friend in the process (or so I thought, who really knows who he was) but no way in heck was I about to deal with a liar, much less a liar engaged to someone else. I am really sharp if you didn't already know. Super quick and smart. I have one heck of a knack for investigating <-- when necessary.

I trust people. No matter what I go through in life, I refuse to become so jaded that I can't trust.

He fooled me.

He told so many stories over the last two years that I am having a hard time knowing which were real and which weren't. Most of them were not the truth. Most of the situations he claimed to be involved in, places he claimed to be going to, went to and what he ate last Wednesday, never happened.

At some point, I became the other woman, can you imagine that?!

A woman I would NEVER want to be or knowingly allow myself to be. I have been on the other end of this if you know what I mean. I know how it feels. Goodness knows I know how it feels. It's something you never really forget.

I used to try to feel for that other woman, as hard as it was, trying to see why she wouldn't let go, as I did just now. Sometimes people are too far in they would tell me, that they believe the lies, they are too in love, too far gone and can't help themselves.

Like no. That's just not acceptable. We must be stronger than that and have some self-respect and confidence, not to mention morals. I really don't care if someone claims to be unhappy, claims that their spouse is crazy (of course they are going to say that) or even worse, just leaves their wedding band in the car or lies to you on such a pathological level that another relationship is hidden from you completely.

I don't care at all what the details are of the situation, what you knew, didn't know or just came to know. Once you know, you find the nearest exit.

As crazy as this all is, I am lucky! Lucky that I never allowed my son to meet this person (we dated on and off for the last two years and once we were a little bit off the first time around, I completely held back in thinking about introducing my son but was recently considering in my head to possibly approach the idea of introducing them -- I am really overprotective when it comes to my dating life and my son).

I am lucky that I have always had confidence as well as respect for myself and others, not to mention, I believe in karma. I wrote a great post a while back about walking a mile in someone's shoes, how you never really know what you would do in a situation until that situation becomes your own.

Having now found myself somehow in the other women's shoes, I confirmed what I already knew:

I would never allow myself to be that woman; to knowingly be involved with someone who is married, engaged or otherwise involved.

Image: Meredith via Cookie ChRUNicles

I do not read novels, watch television shows or movies on this subject, it's a little too close to home for me (except It's Complicated, that one makes me laugh every time!) but one book I think I need to reread is The Scarlet Letter.

They forced us to read it back in the eleventh grade but what the heck did I know at the age of seventeen? Hester Prynne and her Red Letter A. I never forgot the premise of the novel but I have a feeling, almost twenty years later (OMG! that long?!) I will have gained a whole new perspective, appreciation and level of understanding.

I may even read the entire book, rather than the Cliff Notes this time.

 

Meredith @ The Cookie ChRUNicles

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