"I Don't Need A Man" - I'm Calling BS On This Catch Phrase

6 years ago

Over the past three years since I got divorced, it is by far THE most popular statement I’ve heard from women: “I don’t need a man”.  And it’s been said with passion.  Power.  Ownership.  As if it’s been EARNED.   

And I’ve heard it all over the place: from dinners with girlfriends…to dating sites…. to my website for divorced women.  Hell, I’ve even said it myself.

Well today, I’ve had enough -  I’m calling bullshit on it.  For I think we are not just lying to ourselves when we say it, we’re spitting on men, whether it’s conscious or unconscious.

Oh I know we are powerful women.  I know we can do it all – careers, family, friends, travel.  Line it up ladies, and we can juggle and succeed at it all.  More than that, cause we, the female species, are so darn mentally strong, we can convince ourselves we’re happy.  We're big enough, spiritually aware enough, to count and focus on our blessings, right?

But let me ask something:  that part of you that insists you don’t NEED a man, what’s its beef with?  Is it disgusted by the idea of a loving, intimate, respectful relationship with one person?  Is it annoyed with the mere idea of connecting, sharing, openly communicating and being heard by a special man?

Cause I’m going to wager your answers are no.  Plus I'm going to get in your face and say that  every woman AND man,  needs to loved and share their love with a partner…or two…or ten.  For it’s in our human design, our physicality, our hearts, and souls - and it's a beautful thing, this need - not something we should be denying or stomping on.   And there’s some deep rooted part of us, no matter how we try to repress it, that knows this to be true. 

Sure, maybe right now isn’t the time when you feel you need a man in your life.  Maybe you’re hurt.  Maybe he cheated on you.  Maybe your life is under major reconstruction.  Maybe you know your heart is closed.

But THAT, my friend is what we should be saying out loud: “My heart is closed right now.”  Not, “I don’t need a man.”  Cause something unhealed lies beneath the surface of that yucky catch phrase; it has nothing to do with us women being strong and powerful. It’s anger.  It’s grief.  It’s a lack of trust.  Or any combination of the above…

And no matter how many time you say it, or how good it feels to say, some part of you knows it’s a lie.

Delaine Moore

I Am Divorced Not Dead


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