I *can't* date anybody right now because...

9 years ago

When I first moved to L.A. I had a million of them. Reasons for not dating, not getting out there. The most embarrassing (which of course I'm about to share with you) was that when I become a director, my schedule will change drastically. Embarrassing now that I've realized that I'll be dancing in the streets if I get a paid directing gig in even the next ten years.

But, I was honestly worried about coupling with someone while I worked the 9 to 6 who then would suddenly not be able to handle the gig dynamic. I also worried about my schedule now, where I work *a lot* in pursuit of my goals, and where I have months that I'm particularly buckled down and months where I'm more free.

Neither of these are unreasonable thoughts.

And neither of them are a good reason not to be dating.

Another big one is money. How could I date while I was in debt? Who would want me?

Or maybe you're employed, but money is tight. How can you date when you don't have lots of money to throw around?

How can I date if I don't know how I feel about kids?

How can I date when I don't want a big wedding?

How can I date when I'm not who I'm going to be... someday?

OK. Sometimes we all have really good reasons not to be dating. And sometimes, we have really unrealistic ones that we used to protect ourselves. To justify playing it safe.

I'm going to be free of credit card debt in my 40th year. I'm not waiting until then to be dating. Instead, I've made steady choices and progress to become the person I'm going to be.

Dating when I was flat broke was tough, but I was just honest about my situation, and I got out there. You don't *need* to spend a lot of money to date.

Weddings, kids, houses, cars, money, weight... Work on being your best you today, figuring out who you are and what you want today, and then just get out there. Using one of my examples, I certainly dated while I was working on getting my finances in order. And now that I'd consider myself "in order," there's still a lot of paying down to do. I'm certainly still somewhere that some people would find horrifying and unacceptable.

There's not one thing I can do about that but not date them.

There's not one thing I can do but be my best self and be honest about who I am right now and where I think I will be in the future.

After all, we none of us know what's going to happen. Things change. People change. Relationship dynamics change people. All kinds of things change people.

So if you've got reasons you're not dating right now, maybe you are absolutely right, but it never hurts to review the situation. Are you truly being smart about your needs right now, or are you just playing it safe?


The blogosphere speaks:

Who blogs drunk? Iz do! - Awesome rambling (with pics! bunny!) from Pixie Soyfuckers. She gets around to the romance eventually.

Being blown off again - sfgeek on LiveJournal blogs about the blow off. Bummer, makes me sad. Happens to all of us sometimes, I think.

This has got to be a joke, right? - Pennylane77 also on LiveJournal shares a tail of nutty texting, and now I no longer think I am insane at all, because dude is crazytime. It's an older post, but it's worth a read if you've been feeling like you're a little crazy. Remember what crazy really is.

Rant. - From Terra at beginner's terranese, a poetic form about needing time to find out who you are. Which sometimes you definitely do need to take time for you.


Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.

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