I am 31 and my husband is 36. We have been together 9 years and married for 6. He is my world and I don’t know where I would be without him. I have always been big and was teased all through school because of my weight. I had little to no self-confidence and couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to be with me. However, that all changed when I met my husband – he showed me what true love is and has helped me get some of my self-confidence and and self-esteem back. I would do anything for him.
However, just lately we have had a slight problem. My husband has fallen in love with my sister-in-law. She is a year younger than me and is married to my brother, however they are going through marital problems of their own. I know that he loves me, but he also loves her. I don’t want to lose him, but I am scared that one day he will leave me for her. She only thinks of my husband as a friend and a brother-in-law. Nothing else. I know that neither of them will do anything to hurt me on purpose and he didn’t mean to fall in love with her, he said it just happened over a few months of talking to her.
I am trying to get over it to a certain degree so that we can still be happy, but it is hard. Especially when he acts differently around her than he does with me. He talks to her more openly and more often and he used to do that with me when we were dating. He says that he isn’t going to leave me, but he knows that in the future anything can happen. He has always been truthful with me and I don’t want him to change that, but how do I live with this. He isn’t 100% sure how he loves her – whether it is actual proper love, or friendship love and it just feels stronger because he is worried about her at the moment and cares for her. He isn’t sure.What can I do? Please help!!
Married, In love but Confused
Dear Married, In Love but Confused, [MILC]
There are a few things in life I refuse to share and a MAN is one of them! Unless you’re interested in creating a ‘sister-wives’ scenario then I suggest you make a play to get your husband back-on-track!
For starters, you aren’t confused. You love your husband and your marriage. With your hubby being 36 and your marriage approaching the 7-year mark this could be a midlife crisis AND 7 year itch combo.
As you say, your sister-in-law is NOT showing interest in your husband but she absolutely must take a step back in order to eliminate marriage interference (intentional or not.) Your husband, however, needs to stop treating you as a ‘friend’ in trying to decide if he 100% loves your sister-in-law! WTF!? Hubby’s gotta be 100% focused on what he feels for YOU and YOUR marriage.
This is not going to be what you want to hear, MILC but I think you know you’re at the point where you need to have a very blunt and truthful conversation with your husband about the status of your marriage. It’s ‘re-evaluation’ time, the sister-in-law situation this is merely a symptom of other things.
Whether you and your hubby take a weekend away with this as the agenda or if you decide on a relationship facilitator, I truly believe this will reveal more than you know. Think of your relationship a year from now and know that dealing with this today will affect the future you. Write down all those thoughts and questions that have been running through your mind and flat out ask the to your man’s face. What has changed in your relationship and what is he getting from your sister-in-law that he is not getting from you?
Make sure your conversation isn’t all about YOU keeping HIM but also what YOU want.
Yours in Big Curvy Love,
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