How Transparent is Your Marriage/Relationship?

5 years ago

Privacy is very important to some people, and a condition that is deserving of respect even in a marriage or a relationship.  But to others, privacy is something that is unnecessary in a marriage.  What is privacy really?  According to, it is the quality of condition of being secluded from the presence or view of others.   Which leads me to my next question, “Should there by privacy in a marriage or relationship?”.  Are there boundaries or limits to confidentiality in a relationship?  Many people have different views on what should be kept secret and what things should be shared in a union.  I would like to look at this idea of privacy in a marriage a little deeper to see, “How Transparent is Your Marriage?”.

Does having privacy in a relationship mean that you are hiding something?  To some, having to be transparent is a violation of their right to privacy and shows a lack of trust.  In my opinion, that is a yes and no answer.  It would seem to some (mostly women maybe) that having privacy in a marriage means that the other person is hiding something.

My husband and I attended pre-marital counseling before we got married (which I would recommend to everyone who is about to tie the knot), and one of the many good points that was mentioned was; don’t ever subject yourself to situations where temptation is present.  This is one reason I feel that being transparent in a marriage is necessary.  As much as we like to throw around the word trust, and how we should trust our spouse, I don’t think it is wise for anyone to put themselves in situations where one might be tempted.  Even if you are pretty sure you would never do anything to compromise your marriage.  Why take the chance?

Others feel “what they don’t know won’t hurt them”.  With this perspective, some might wonder “Wouldn’t you want to know what your spouse is doing?”.  I would….but those who believe this logic, would not necessarily.  I spoke with someone on the subject, and their reasoning is that they don’t want to know all the emails and texts that their spouse might get from someone of the opposite sex.  They would, however, want to know what their spouse does or reacts to such things.  Some people might have a jealous persona, for lack of a better word, where they don’t want people looking, talking, emailing or texting their spouse.  Knowing the aforementioned things could cause strife in the relationship even though the other spouse is not compromising the relationship.  This can lead to needless arguments and make for a rocky relationship.

So if you do decide to have a transparent marriage, what are the boundaries?  Do you share all your passwords with your spouse?  To your voicemail, facebook page, email, etc?  One thing that I have noticed is the growing number of shared or family emails and/or facebook pages.  I think that is a wonderful idea myself.  I think the most important thing for couples is to sit down, and actually discuss boundaries.  Find out what he or she is comfortable with.  Tell your spouse your concerns and what you both feel is healthy for your relationship.  Not one couple is the same, and what works for one will not always work for the other.  My husband and I know all each other’s passwords to everything (for us it is also a safety thing too).

So how transparent is your marriage or relationship?  I would love to hear from you and get different perspectives on the idea.

Till Next Time….Keep It Moving!

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