How Not to Sabatoge Yourself, Ladies

3 years ago

We meet with women all the time who are tired of dating and never getting the great guy. Well Ladies, in a sea of single women, you need to stand out. You need to be the hot commodity that most guys will want to be with.
In addition to the single women, we speak with married women often, who don’t feel appreciated or special by their man. Again Ladies, you need to be interesting, attractive and a quality person to keep the spark alive in your relationship.

Here are our top 10 Tips for Gaining and/or maintaining a great relationship.

1. Don’t be a downer: No one wants to be around someone who is constantly depressed, mad at the world or always the victim and for goodness sakes don’t constantly complain to your guy. Sure share an unfortunate experience from your day but don’t dwell on it and try to follow up the complaint up with something positive. “I lost this big account today and my boss chewed me out. I felt really bad all afternoon.  I am so glad that I took a Barre class after work, I feel so much better now.”
Do: share your accomplishments, triumphs, fun activities and passions. You will come off as confident, happy and he will covet spending time with you.

2. Don’t nag him: If you want your guy to do something, ask him once and have him put it in his IPhone/Calendar.  Don’t call him, text him and annoy him over it, if it doesn’t get done immediately. 
Do: leave a cute note reminding him to do it. “Honey, can you pick up the dry cleaning please? BTW, you looked so handsome today in your blue shirt.”
3. Don’t be needy: Don’t rely on your guy as your sole source of a social life. He will ultimately feel suffocated and want to break free.
Do: schedule girls night outs, join a book club or take a cooking class to keep yourself busy and entertained. Do leave some time for just you and your guy but having your own interests will make you that much more desirable and give you lots to talk about when you are together.

4. Don’t let your physical appearance slip: Don’t get too comfortable in your relationship, that you let yourself go physically. This is just not fair to you or to your guy. You wouldn’t be happy if he gained a big ole belly or stopped shaving.
Do: find fun ways to stay in shape together. We take kickboxing with our husbands and it is a blast. We also play tennis in the spring with our guys, the fresh air and exercise make us all feel great. Find an activity that you both enjoy and put in in your weekly schedule. Or if your schedule won’t permit that, do something on your own to gain those happy endorphins and a more fit physique.

5. Don’t put your guy last: Don’t make him feel like you are just fitting him in your life when there is a free moment. He will resent this and eventually move on or find others to occupy his time.
Do: Let him know that you love hanging out with him by surprising him with fun dates. Buy tickets to a concert of his favorite band and don’t tell him what you are doing, just tell him to keep the night open. This will let him know he is special to you and it will enhance your relationship.
6. Don’t expect him to read your mind: Expecting a man to know exactly what you are thinking is setting you and him up for failure. Ladies- he has no idea what you are thinking.
Do: Voice what you are expecting from him. If you want him to do a load of laundry or get you a drink at dinner, then ask. He will appreciate you asking if you do it in a sweet way rather than staring him down, when he overlooks minor or (big for that matter) details. That is being a saboteur.

7. Don’t sleep with more than one guy: Single ladies: Not only for obvious reasons but for yourself. If you are not that into someone, you should not sleep with them. Wait until you are in a committed relationship to venture there because it should be special and you could be risking more than just your virtue.
Do: Enjoy dating and give people a chance. If the right guy comes along, then wait to see if he is worth it and go for it. If you are in a relationship, make time for some intimacy. Try to change it up and make it exciting. Sex is good for you. Here are some ways to turn up the heat in your sex life.

8. Don’t come across as a dependent person with no interests. The worst thing you can do in the dating world is come across as a boring stick in the mud. Nothing screams ball and chain like a person who shows no interests outside of their man.
Do: Take up something that keeps your man on their toes. A cooking class, art, photography or a new workout program are all great options. If you have interests, you will be interesting.
9. Don’t be a bitch. Sorry there is no way to sugar coat that. You have to be sweet. We know… it does take work and a lot of effort to turn a bad/tough day into a positive one but being mean and cranky surely will not help. And if you normally carry a black cloud around with you, then you better change it because no one deserves to be beat up by you!
Do: Be sweet. Try to be pleasant to be around. If it takes a glass of wine once in a while then go for it, in moderation of course.
10. Don’t be a martyr or overly dramatic. There is nothing worse than someone who always feels sorry for themselves. We all have trials and tribulations; you are not the only one. If you are always saying things like, “everyone has more than me” or “you never put me first” he wont take your complaints seriously as your martyr attitude will get old quick.
Do: Be cool. Don’t freak out over everything. You have to be a strong woman and come across as a challenge not a weak individual. There is nothing sexier than someone who is confident and independent.

With all this said, be a better you. Don’t do things that make you come across as needy, boring or vapid. Be exciting and fun to be around. Sometimes, it is just a matter of saying “F it, I am just going to get over it and have a great day.” If not just to be a happy person but also to be appealing to the opposite sex. Go get them, you sexy, confident women! And if your guy is the one who is always messing up, you can share our “10 Ways to not Sabotage Yourselves, Guys” with them.



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