Fellas, fellas, fellas! Why do you insist on punishing my vagina, as
though it were an enemy of the state? Is all the jabbing and stretching
really necessary? I recognize that this is simply your reaction to
extreme excitement, and that is great. Really, we want you to get off!
We love to see you all heated and flustered. But, have you not yet
realized that this type of touching does not make us squirm because we
like it. Rather, we are actually trying to wiggle away from your rough and wild
To your defense, we may be sending you mixed messages
with our fantasies about you picking us up, throwing us against the
wall while biting our neck. We do want you to bestrong and powerful.
We want you to be commanding and domineering. We do want to you to
be The Man.
Because when you are The Man, we get to feel like The Lady.
So here is the advise:
Please exude manliness in all areas such as:
protecting us from spiders
choosing the wine
handling the business
bringing home the bacon
Layin’ it down!
Wink. Please do not confuse this commentary with the ridiculous idea
that we want you to be wimpy in the bedroom. We do not.)
But always remember that we are delicate flowers.
When touching us downtown, do to us what WE do best.
Be a tease.
Use soft strokes of gliding gratitude.
down enough to fully appreciate the tenderness of not only this region
but of the current intimacy between us. Which is, afterall what will ultimately get
Take gentle care of our sensitive spot, And remember.
The point in touching us below the belt is supposed to be for OUR pleasure.
If you promise to tickle our tutu,
We promise to jerk you around like a 1980’s Atari joystick.
Now, you'll have to excuse me as I must take matters into my own hands.
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