Hello Sailor

8 years ago
Years ago I met a wonderful couple. He was a Navy Corpsman and she; well she can only be described as crazy. They had children who were close to my age as I was in my early 20’s and their kids were in their late teens. Now Doc and Lori were never dull and always had a houseful of people. They were fun loving and gracious hosts. They had a cute little house in military housing on base. When you live on base you tend to know all your neighbors and become very close to most of them. Doc was a good looking sailor not very tall about 5’7”. He was a little grey around the temples but an avid runner had a twinkle in his eye and a good sense of humor. Lori was tall about 5’10”, blond and had a beautiful hour glass figure. Think Marilyn Monroe in her heyday mixed with Lucille Ball’s lunacy.

Doc was the consummate bartender and made one of the best Mai Tai’s I’ve ever had the pleasure of drinking. He also made a mean pink lemonade daiquiri but that is not what this story is about. It is about Doc and Lori and their misadventures or should I say Lori’s misadventures.

It was their anniversary and they had been married for twenty years. Doc went off to work that morning, kissed Lori good bye and didn’t give the day another thought. Lori on the other hand schemed and connived and generally set forth a plan to put some spice in their reveries for their milestone anniversary. She had thought about a dinner party complete with fondue and a champagne fountain but decided that would be too much to plan in the 8 hours she had before her beloved came home. She also thought about calling the base chaplain to come renew their vows but she was saving that for the 25th. She thought and thought and read Cosmo magazine’s “How to Spice Up Your Love-life”. Then like a lightening bolt it hit her. She knew what she wanted to do. So she instead went and got in her little Toyota Corolla and headed to the Base Exchange for the supplies with which to carry out her plans.

She went home and slaved over a plethora of finger foods. She made fried won tons and chocolate dipped strawberries. She chilled a bottle of Dom Perignon, ok it was really Cold Duck but she served it like Dom. She kissed her teenaged children good-bye for the night as both went to friends for a sleep over. She set out hundreds of candles. She sorted through her record albums and found her Burt Bacharach Collection. She showered and powdered and primped and preened. She fluffed her hair, de-shined her nose and pinked up her lips. She put on her prettiest dress and her highest heels. She blew up the kiddie swimming pool and placed it in the bedroom. Yes folks she had a plan and boy was it going to spice up her marriage.

She had everything ready when she heard Doc’s car pull into the drive. Her heart was a twitter with excitement. She met him at the door with a drink and a kiss. She ushered him past the bedroom and into the bath where she started a shower for him. Then she went into the bedroom and slipped off her dress and the rest of her garments until all she had on was her highest red stiletto heeled pumps. Then she grabbed Doc’s PeeCoat and put it on as well as his cap. She listened for the shower to stop and when it did she snuck out the back door and ran around to the front. She could see it in her mind. She would ring the doorbell; Doc would wonder who it could be. He would answer the door and there she would be in nothing but a sailor cap and a Pee Coat. He would love it. It would be the wildest thing she had done yet. So she went to the front door and rang the door bell. She was a little nervous since the coat didn’t cover her up too well. She waited and waited. She rang the bell again. She could hear the hi-fi kick onto the next record and it was loud. She rang the bell again and still no answer so she started banging on the door. She was beginning to get worried because she was on the front porch with her derriere hanging out of a coat and it was getting cold. Then she heard the car on the street. She cowered on the stoop as close to the door as she could.

“What are you doing?” she heard the man’s voice say. She turned to see two MP’s standing flashlights in hand. Their lights began going from her face to her feet and back up. She pulled the coat down as far as she could put this only made it open up at the top allowing way too much cleavage jump out but if she didn’t pull the coat down then too much of the other end showed. She was stuck. Then one of the MP’s said “Put your hands in the air and turn so we can see you.” She froze sick to her stomach “ba,ba,but officer” she stammered “I can’t put my hands up.” The officer approached and saw that she was in a predicament. “So what exactly are you up to ma’am?” the officer asked. “I live here. My husband is inside, it’s our anniversary and I was trying to surprise him. I’ll show you if I can get him to answer the door.”

The officer leaned over Lori and pushed the buzzer. The door instantly flew open and there stood Doc in his boxers with his hair still wet from the shower. “Yes officer how may I help you?” Doc happily answered his eyes moving over Lori and her outfit. “Sir, I hate to bother you but this woman was skulking around your stoop. She says she is your wife. Do you know her?” the office politely requested. Doc looked at the officer then he looked at Lori and replied “Nope don’t know her. I’ve never seen her before in my life.” Lori gasped and cried “Doc! Tell him I’m your wife!” The officer took Lori by the arm turned her toward the cruiser and started walking her away with her hiney shining in the moonlight. Doc took pity on her and yelled out “Officer, NOW I recognize her.” The officer smiled and let Lori go. She ran to the house and grabbed the screened door ready to charge inside when she heard. “Oh and Doc thanks for the pick-me-up and happy anniversary” the officer called over her. “Don’t mention it Larry. I thought you guys would get a kick out of it” Doc yelled in response.

You can imagine that their anniversary that year was anything but dull.

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