Some guys have gotten the crazy idea that being a good guy doesn’t pay off when it comes to women. (I wonder where they got that idea?!) Maybe it’s from years of failed attempts to get girls to like them by showing genuine interest and being a good guy. Or maybe it’s because they are dropped regularly for narcissistic men, while they have been nothing but attentive, emotionally available, caring and present the entire time.
The saddest sight of all is sitting across the table on a date watching the monster that we as women are responsible for creating—A good guy acting like a bad one to draw me in.
It is time we take responsibility as women about the message we are sending to boys and men. The message is loud, clear and dangerous: Being a good guy just doesn’t pay off in the end.
I will admit that it took me some time to get over my “bad boys tendencies”—but get over it I did. By 25 I was done with the darkness, gloom, uncertainty and misery all bad boys brought into my life. Why I was drawn to them in the first place is a mystery, even to me. I guess on some level we assume that a man that is distant and mean, must be worth having. That is wrong, Oh…so very wrong.
Before I rid myself of my bad boy tendencies, I ignored good guys like the plague. Something about their stability of character, patience, genuine caring, self-improvement and desire to add value to my life, just made me want to gag. Crazy, right? It’s like I would turn to them and say, “Why are you trying to make me smile and make my life better? Why are you here?” Ha! It all seems so bizarre to me now.
Good guys pretending to be bad boys have learned from us that if they are aloof, uncaring and put us down, we will be drawn to them like bees to honey. But if you accept these behaviors as acceptable, you are adding to the madness.
Is this really the message we want to send to boys and men about how they should treat us? That all they can bring to our lives is coldness, distance and misery? No, we can do better. But first, we have to start with ourselves. If you are a girl or woman putting this message out there, ask yourself why you are so drawn to a man that will crush your spirit and make you feel small?
If we want a better future for our children and the world, we need to encourage men to treat us better. But it all starts with us. We have to take the first step and respect ourselves enough to say that we will not tolerate ill treatment of any kind.
Nothing sexy about being a bad boy. They are just bad… for you.
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