Getting through the first’s
The first Thanksgiving, the first wedding anniversary, the first Christmas, the first New Year’s. As if those are not difficult enough, it is also approaching the one year anniversary of the day that changed my life forever. Three days before Christmas my husband told me he wanted a divorce.
No one said this was going to be easy but I am going to do my best to make it as easy and painless as I possibly can. It is time for new traditions and memories to be made. I’ve heard it several times that if I can make it through the first of everything, next year and every year after it will get easier.
I start by counting my blessings and being thankful for so many wonderful memories since last Thanksgiving. My daughters are beautiful, healthy, and happy. I couldn’t be a luckier mother and more proud of my girls. They make me smile and laugh every day and it warms my heart to see them playing together. I am thankful for my own health and the strength that I have found the last year to heal. I am thankful for my vision that is coming to life for my new career that I never dreamt of a year ago. Not a day goes by that I am not thankful for the love from family and my friends and all of my support with Hungry Heartbreak. I have made many new friends this year and made connections that will last a lifetime. I love and thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I am not alone in my new journey and for that I am thankful.
The girls and I will be divided physically Thanksgiving morning while they are with their father but we won’t be divided spiritually. I will be running a 5k Turkey Trot in the morning thinking of them and excited about our family Thanksgiving dinner together later in the afternoon. I am looking forward to Abby’s first turkey dinner. I know she is going to love it. Mom and I are going to prepare our traditional dinner at my house. Looking forward to cooking with her and Grace.
Now, how do I get through what would have been our 5 year wedding anniversary December 1st? I vividly remember having an intimate dinner last year filled with love and laughter. We even talked about going away this year to celebrate. My what a difference a year makes! All I do is shake my head when I remember this. I have plans to spend the day with my very best friends celebrating us. I once heard “Men come and go, but girlfriends are forever” or “maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with” ~ Sex & the City.
My absolute favorite month of the year is December. Christmas to me means so many things. A lot of them started in my childhood. The smells of cinnamon and pine, baking cookies with my mom and sister, cutting down a Christmas tree in the freezing cold, watching Christmas Vacation every year with my dad. Some things never get old. I still do all of those traditions. They feel like home and happiness. Then I got older and in my 20’s and my girlfriends and I started a tradition. Every year we have an annual dinner and gift exchange. I also have an annual cookie party for friends and family every year that it so much fun and a nice relaxing break from the rush of the month. The one thing I know is the ending of my marriage will never dampen my spirit for Christmas. All of the personalized ornaments that hung every year on our tree that we collected over the years can be replaced and friends can help me hang my lights on the house, my dad can help me bring a tree in. All of the old memories can easily be made new ones. I’ll let you in on a little secret. I still believe in Santa and this year all I want for Christmas is peace. Peace in my heart and in my mind.
I am very excited to celebrate New Years. I am so happy to say good-bye to 2012 and hello to 2013. I plan to work very hard at being the best mother I can be, and continue to build a life for us that I will be proud of. I feel like now that a year has almost past I can breathe a sigh of relief. I did it! I made it through one hell of a year.
Whatever you are doing for the holidays do it with the people you love and the people that love you. Make new plans and memories in the upcoming weeks to help you cope and heal. Give yourself something to look forward to and have fun. Take time to reflect and count the blessings in your life.
There is always a first for everything some harder then others. I am sitting with this thought. In the meantime even though my life changed overnight a year ago, I truly believe it was for the better and I thank God for that.
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