Get It In Writing: Is This What's Called Educating Boys In The New 'Hookup' Culture?

3 years ago


Are we not teaching our boys a powerful lesson. “The act is irrelevant. The woman is also irrelevant just don’t get caught with your legal pants down”.

ESPN Magazine founding editor Roxanne Jones describes sending her son off to college:

I filled my son's duffel bag with about 300 condoms…but lately, I've been worried that I left out one important piece of advice: [n]ever have sex with a girl unless she's sent you a text that proves the sexual relationship is consensual beforehand.

Young men, get a 'yes' text before sex Screen Shot 2013-12-13 at 12.59.20 PM

Her advice is absolutely in tune with what is happening on campus right now. Gone are the days of relationships. Its hookup territory and you can even forget the 'hook' - there are expectations post intimacy and certainly none of that old-fashioned making love.

While I can understand this mom's approach, I wonder, whether alongside the 300 condoms, the hypothetical parent would consider also providing them 3lb of weed to smoke so that they don't need to associate with those dodgy dealers?

OK so hooking up is not illegal whereas cannabis generally is, but take college town Boulder, Colorado, home to the top party school University of Colorado, where smoking weed is indeed legal, would a UofC parent really go as far as not just turning a blind eye but actually facilitating this kind of behaviour by making it 'safer'?

By packing our boys off with condoms and telling him to get written consent are we not inadvertently condoning a practice that has some other pretty serious implications in addition to a potential rape charge? 

While the health risks of cannabis have been  overstated, the health risks of hooking up have been understated. Ironically, even 300 condoms, cannot fully protect against all the STI's that 1 in 3 college campus students carry around (Screwed on Campus).

Just as a kicker - most parents probably instinctively know that cannabis use lowers grades and contributes to a higher drop out rate. This would be a strong enough reason not to pack 3lb of cannabis in their son's duffle bag. Sleeping with numerous girls (six per week to get through 300 condoms) will probably just cause minor sleep depravation. Does our society really believe that producing a respectful GPA is more important than living a life respectful of women?

Not only that, are we not teaching our boys a powerful lesson. "The act is irrelevant. The woman is also irrelevant just don't get caught with your legal pants down". One enterprising UofM student created a Walk of Shame Shuttle 

An accurate sex-ed. lesson doesn't preclude a honest-to-G-d discussion about respect women, respecting intimacy and honouring the connection created that is far more than a fun exchange of bodily fluids.

The Saturday morning walk back to dorms after a Friday night hookup is called the 'walk of shame' - not by the oppressive 'patriarchy' but by the girls themselves. Please show me a woman who doesn't dream that her hook up partner wakes up the next morning and seeks her out like Prince Charming did Cinderella to live a happily-ever-after. They leave their number by the bed as they sneak out in the morning and then they sit and wait for the text message that usually doesn't come.

By educating our boys that sex and love are completely separate we are playing into a dangerous and disrespectful culture that has the potential to ruin their own understanding of the power of intimacy and the beauty of being with a woman whom they actually love.  

This is an article written by one of the incredible members of the SheKnows Community. The SheKnows editorial team has not edited, vetted or endorsed the content of this post. Want to join our amazing community and share your own story? Sign up here.