Wipe off the fake blood and put away your fangs for another year; Halloween is over. But for those of us in the midst of a breakup; the horror show might be just beginning. You know how this story goes; you log into Facebook innocently enough, but a morbid curiosity is pushing you towards that scary door you know you shouldn't open. Click on the button and GASP! Your X has already posted a paltry catalogue of party pictures, featuring himself happily entangled with his new squeeze! In my case, it was that girl he'd always insisted was just a friend, even though my spider senses told me differently. Not only were they now a hot little item, they'd also spent Halloween together in New Orleans; just as he and I had done just the year before. Talk about getting staked through the heart. I have to admit, as I pored over each pic, like evidence from a garish crime scene, I thought about committing more than a few violent acts myself. Driven mad with shock and jealousy, I then foolishly wrote him, offering a contentious "Ah Ha! I knew it all along!" and a few other pointed expletives. This, of course, did nothing to change the situation, nor did it make me feel any better. What it did do was cause him to block me on FB and make me look just a little bit deranged. So if you're in the midst of a breakup, take this as a cautionary tale. Be careful not to get possessed by the spirit of the season; or you may find yourself embodying one of these classic scary scenarios.
We all know the living dead have a one track mind; dragging their lifeless carcasses around, fruitlessly trying to feed a hunger that won't subside. Recently singled women can be similarly obsessed. After a breakup, it's not that uncommon to feel lost, and just a little bit, well, dead inside. We try to stave off that feeling with lots of different kinds of filler; sex, shopping, food, brains…… but it just doesn't seem to go away. The more we try to deny it, that empty feeling increasingly informs our choices. After weeks of giving in to our carnal cravings with excessive drinking, late nights, and bad take out, we find ourselves sluggish, pale, and perhaps even a little green. If your long look in the mirror is resembling the undead, it's time to use your head girl. Don't eat somebody else's. You're going to feel a little bit like a monster for awhile, but then you're going to be OK. Zombie apocalypse aside, tomorrow is the dawn of a new day, and what's dead can simply be put to rest.
Perhaps you don't feel ready to go searching for a tasty new morsel. Your relationship has kicked the bucket, and what comes after feels like a kind of purgatory. You stay home Boo Hooing, shackled to your lost love, finding it difficult to move on. This is natural, but if you continue handcuffing yourself to a relationship that has passed, you may be dangerously close to living with a ghost; or becoming one yourself! It's not like the movie, you know, where you and your loved one make sexy pottery together while Unchained Melody plays. It's more like being restrained in an old haunted house sad and alone. While all around you life moves on, you sit fettered and frozen in time; clinging on to a distant mirage of the life you once knew. Before you truly become a shadowy visage of your former self, take some time to live in the moment. Even if you have to force yourself, break the pattern and get out there and try something (or someone) new. And who knows; maybe the next time you're hiding under a sheet; you just might be having a really good time. And any moaning, howling, or chains involved will be sexy; not scary.
Ok, perhaps you were sad at first, but then look out! Hell had never even seen a scorned woman before you came along! Pot bowling over, your venomous thoughts are like pure poison! Fuck wishing him the best; if not together, you hope he's alone and miserable for the rest of his life! The problem is, when we hold on to anger, we manage to hurt nobody but ourselves. Our X's go on with their lives, in most cases oblivious to our malice, while we become uglier by the moment, obsessing on negativity which - lets face it - is essentially like feeding a demon that is shrouding the light in our souls. Once we loose site of the place of love we once had for our now "dearly departed", we've become about as hard and bitter as an old hag. Instead of casting nasty spells with your cauldron, try using that fire to ignite a new passion. And while your at it, grab that broom to sweep the cobwebs from your heart. Let the witch you listen to wear white, and remember that you promised you would love your X always, and that means loving him all ways; even if your ways have grown apart.
I'm sure we've all been some kind of scary wretch after a breakup. That Halloween, I'd become the victim to my own bad judgement, and like any nosy kitty, what I'd found snooping just about killed me. Over the course of the next several months, I had to go through the normal stages of grief. Like a Zombie I trudged numbly through denial. Like a Ghost a cried through pain. And like a Witch I battled through anger. But then, there was an upward turn. I began to work through some of these feelings and get used to the idea that my life had to move forward; now on my own. And yes, I did defriend my X on Facebook - just so I wouldn't be tempted to torture myself in the future. Perhaps someday I would be ready to watch him move on, and feel OK about that; but not yet. After that, I packed away my scary faces where they belonged, and looked forward to another Halloween.