Freaks, Geeks and Douche Bags - Profile 009 part 2

5 years ago

The names have been changed to protect the innocent

Nickname: Undercover Douche bag

Distinguishing feature: Spoke sweetly and poetically


After a few weeks of no communication I get an email


I wish you understood what it’s like to be me right now…But if you can grasp that it’s possible to hate more than one person at a time, then perhaps you can realize that it’s possible to meet two people that are both amazing at the same time.  You can’t help but think the world of both of them.  And you want to see them both happy.  But you have to deal with the fact that you can’t be the same person to both of them.  Neither one of you was a “back up girl.”  You were both beautiful and special in your own ways.

This asshole, douchebag or what ever you want to call me…has called himself the same, many times since we last spoke.  And at the sake of sounding like a wuss, I had to fight back tears several times after because he missed you too.  And he still does. I know it sounds cliché, I feel I lost a great friend I didn’t just lose a relationship….  I wish we could still be friends.  But I doubt that you would entertain such a possibility.  After all, I am still dating someone else.

I sat and cried I felt the same blow I felt the day we split. This time however I still have to admit I miss him I hate to say it but YES I MISS HIM. So …. I reply

I may not have been a back up girl but I clearly wasn't enough or you would not have kept looking.  Had you wanted an open relationship you should have said so from the start. I would not have gotten emotionally involved and would not have let my guard down. That's what you don't understand you were the first guy I didn't put a wall up for even my ex husband had walls when we met. With you ... I was just me pure and vulnerable.

I don't mind being your friend after all I miss you, but you will meet a different girl then the one you once knew. Walls are up and possibly for good but who's to say.... Granted the chances of you showing up at one of my clubs when distance was such an issue for you are a snow balls chance in hell. Or it would not have been an issue before.

Im not as strong as I make people believe… I wish I were.

So I assume you saw the emotional breakdown on Pinterest and finally got up the nerve to contact me. I tend to go to very dark places when im upset at least this was just pictures and a fever.  At least you aren't the kind of guy to point and laugh at the disaster he helps create at least......... I don't think you are.

I know its more then he deserved but… like I said I miss him .. I know not good but if I can be friends with my ex husband Undercover should get the same chance right? Well he replies.

Sweetheart, it was never a matter of whether or not you were good enough.  You were good enough, you always were…I wasn’t looking for this other girl, she was introduced to me by a friend at a party and we just hit it off.

Yeah, I saw the breakdown.  I checked your pinterest every day.  It was my only way of trying to see if you were ok.

And by the way, I did consider driving out to the club to see if I would run into you.  Is that creepy?  My car was having issues…But I would still be willing to drive out there some time.


And so that’s where its left as friends talking and texting. While my heart aches for another kiss or for him to hold me again…. I just want one more chance to show him what he is missing….. One more date one more intimate conversation in his car. The hard part is that I didn’t realize how badly I cared for him until he was gone….. LOVE???? Not sure to be honest but when I was with him I could feel my heart beat. The empty feeling I had the vacancy in my heart was full and now im painfully aware of how empty it is again………


But life must move on right?

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