Finding Lasting Love: Why You’re Still Single

4 years ago

There are many different reasons why you may still be single, some so obscure and so far buried in your  subconscious, that it would be difficult for anyone to know it. However, many women make the same mistakes again and again not realizing how their actions or personal beliefs are sabotaging their quest for love. They continue to pay the price in that they have yet to find the kind of love they desire. I do not pretend to have all the answers, but I have read countless books on the topic and here is my best advice on how to finally achieve the kind of love you want.

Get Rid Of Baggage

By the time we are 18 years old, most of us, both men and women have accumulated some baggage. By the time we are in our 40’s, forget about it. The trick is to learn to down-size. Get rid of the stuff that are no longer useful to you – then check the rest at the door. Trust me. No one is going to walk away with your baggage. It will be there whenever you feel you need it. So quit living in the past and focus all your energy and attention into right now. You will be happier and more attractive for it.


Lose the anger

Anger is known to cause anxiety, stress, headaches, high blood pressure, even heart attacks. If those reasons aren’t enough to have you checking your anger at the door, get this. No one enjoys spending time with an angry person. It doesn’t make any one feel good and all that negative energy is contagious. Plus it is self defeating. You cannot be in the mind space for love if you harbor hostility inside.  Love is “patient, love is kind…it is not easily angered.” Practice conquering your anger.  Then the next time you are spending time with a guy, actively choose to make that time as happy as possible for both of you. He will definitely want to be back for more.


Stop Being Moody

Let’s face it, men cannot read your mind. Learn to communicate your needs clearly. And once you establish rules, stick to them. Don’t change them at your whim. He will think you’re crazy. Men love responding to your needs. It makes them feel useful and needed. If you constantly change the rules, however, how can he know what you really want?


Stop Settling For Less Than You Want

In fact, stop dating until you figure out exactly who you want. Ever heard the expression, “if you don’t believe in something, you’ll fall for anything?” Put pen to paper and describe in detail the man you want. From physical attributes to his core character, know what you want.  This way, when the “anything” crosses your path, you will eliminate him without thinking. Trust me, you will save yourself a lot of time and heart ache with this simple strategy and move yourself closer faster to finding the one you want.  Just because a guy qualifies as a “nice” doesn’t mean he’s the one for you. If you have been settling and want to know more about what to do about it, read this: How To Get The Man You’re With To Commit And Marry You.


Get Real

Ok. You may be holding out for George Clooney. However, you have to be aware that you may wait forever.  Chances are, if you are not in show business and not better than average looking, I would make an educated guess that he will never know you exist. Same goes for you if you are rejecting the guy in your neighborhood who would worship the very ground you walk on because you are hung up on the hot investment banker , with the suburban mansion who isn’t ever going to look your way. Have your standards, yes. But society is what it is. And you’re not going to change it. You’ll wind up single and regretful 20 years from now. Do not keep lusting after the wrong guy. Keep a full dose of reality in your search for Mr. Right.


Learn How To Attract The Man You Want

If what you want is a man with a six pack, go to the gym and for heaven’s save, be sure you are at least on your way to a six pack.  If you more desire someone who will be nice to your kids, don’t go after the playboy. Maybe a divorced dad is your guy. If you need someone spiritual, go to church.


Put Up A Man Wanted Sign

No one will know you are single if you don’t say it. Tell your family and friends that you are ready to date again. Go online. There are many legitimate dating sites online that cater to women over 25. Then, get dressed and get out of the house. No one will see you if you’re inside cooking and dusting all day.


Watch what he does, not what he says

We’ve all heard it. Talk is cheap. If he says he values you, but he is often cancelling dates or not making any, failing to call, gazing at other women, hiding you from his friends, never having enough time for you, then he does not value you. I suggest giving him his space to go do all the things he finds more important than you. Immediately.


Consider Moving

Often times, the town you live in may not be brimming over with the type of man you like. If finding love is important to you, why not consider relocating? People move all the time for their work. Why not for love?


Make Love A Priority

When you wanted those breast implants, did you tell yourself: “well, I’ll see what happens?” Did you wait for your job to come looking for you?  So why do we pretend that love will simply come? I believe in being proactive, making a plan and then going after what I want so I can do the selecting. You have to create a plan for yourself or with the help of a life coach towards finding the love you want.


Step Up Your Game

Make a point to be the most attractive woman in your group. That sounds competitive, doesn’t it? Well if you wanted a job that you heard another woman was interviewing for, would you cancel your appointment? Or would you prepare much better? Men are visual creatures. In fact, so are we. As human we do judge each other. An experiment was done in NYC where women were sent shopping at different stores dressed differently. I did this experiment. I was dressed in sneakers and jeans one day, the next, in a BCBG Max Azria summery dress and heels. Without fail, the women who were better dressed received far more help and attention. I’m sure you’ve seen this for yourself. Dare to stand out. Let him see YOU.


Get To Know Him Before You Sleep With Him

Personally, I believe in waiting until marriage. But most don’t feel this way. At least, wait until he asks to be in a committed relationship before you do. And yes, there are those douche-bags who will ask only so they can be intimate with you. All the more reason to get to know the man’s character, his friends, his life before decide to be intimate with him. Plus don’t you value those Manolo Blahnik’s because you paid so much more for them? Your value increases when he has to commit more time and money and invest more of himself in you.  Let him know you have standards. Don’t just give it to him because he’s hot.


While You Look for Mr. Right, Live Passionately

The more fun you have on your own, the more attractive your life will appear. Who would you want to be with? The guy who drags himself home from work and passes out in front of the tv day after day? Or the guy who gets involved in the community, likes driving up the coast on the weekend, and skiing on a moment’s notice? Besides, the more involved you become socially, the more visible and positioned you are to meet a wider variety of men.  Also, the more activities you engage in that feed your soul, the happier you become, the better mate you will make.


You Come Off As Desperate

Learn to relax and enjoy the date. Don’t seem too eager to interview him for the position. Make courting a fun experience for both of you.  When you are desperate, you make rushed decisions that are usually wrong for you. Men can spot desperation miles away. Don’t force the issue and avoid making desperation mistakes or you will continue to be single.


Whether it’s making the time for love or having the right attitude and environment to encourage it, the job of finding love and keeping it really is up to you.  So what are you waiting for? Go. Make a plan that supports your romantic goals. Have fun in the process, and you’ll be happily coupled up in no time.


Do you know of any more tips to help someone who is single and not having success at love? I’d love it if you would share them here.

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