Dude! Give Me My Dress Back

3 years ago

I think the battle of the sexes has gone on for ages, and there is a reason that more women cheat then men these days.  I have thought long and hard about why this is.  I have came to many conclusions but the number one reason is  men are behaving like women.  Which in return women are behaving like men.

My eyebrows should be the only ones groomed.

It should take a woman longer to get ready than a man.

Men, if you trim you private parts and dont flaunt it, or ask for a BJ after, you're either "tapn" outside of the house or you're just not that into the woman you have.  A man would expect grattitude from trimming it up. That is just a fact. Not for health purposes, or anything else would cause a man to do this, other than to show it off.  Men want grattitude just for washing it. So ladies if its always getting trimmed and never put in your face, then its probably time to hop on the band wagon.

Women should be the only gender too tired for sex.  I mean really? If a man is always too tired for sex, he needs a doctor.  If he is too manly to go to one then there are other men that dont have issues. Find one.

Mood swings have become a regular for men.  They now have their own name, we call them MAN PERIODS. We suggest "Man-pons" for these situations. Which is two tampons duct taped together. Use your imagination on where it will be placed.

The excuse "I am a man and I don't do those things".  Now if he wonders why you are looking at him stupidly please feel free to state.  "No, that is not being a man if you were one, we wouldnt be having this conversation."

The old "Im ignoring" you trick.  Women have been doing this for years.  Guess what ladies, men now do it too.  They wont answer your texts, they wont pick up your calls.  I say they have forgotten how easy it is for us to have someone else pick up the phone.  I guess thats why women remind them.

Remember when women would get all dressed up and their man would be proud to show their lady off?  Now if you get dressed up, men have to dress up and hunt for their own compliments.  Like a war you didnt even know was happening.  It's a challenge.  Another thing women have been doing with other women for years, but the men are slowly taking over.

My favorite is making sure your woman doesnt think she is number one.  Now this ladies I am afraid is all BOY. Not man, but boy.  Teenage, hormonal, prideful boy. A man is not afraid to let his woman know how she rates in his world.  By any means necessary.  Call, flowers, a compliment, say he is sorry, or even ask what is wrong.  A boy on the other hand will hold his breath and make wise cracks at you instead.  I know this because the most important man in my life took until he was 50 to do so with his wife.  Lets just say he went through 3 before becoming fully ok with himself to do so. None of the women who left felt bad, I dont blame them.

Social appearances.  I remember when only woman cared about looking like a fake for social media.  Now men have figured they should do the same.  They think they earn "pimp" points from this.  I am a great dad, husband, look at me attitude.  Its all fake, and believe me men your women are sitting on the edge of their seats just waiting to blow your covers.   Luckily for you a woman would rather bite her tongue off before letting another woman think there is a vacancy.

Kissing. Real men do kiss. You know why? Its part of staking your claim.  You never do it, as far as I am conserned youve left your property unmarked.  Its considered available. If you are too "MANLY" to be doing this then you will be too "Manly" to talk about it.  So my motto is "Snooze ya lose".

Lazy sex!!  The worst!! Women used to claim they were lazy in bed because men wanted it all the time.  Well move over ladies, men now dont move off their backs, don't do oral, and barely move from their starting position.  That is if you find him on a happy day that hes not having some emotional breakthrough.

After really thinking about these things its easy to see why women would rather be with women.  Because they are becoming more manly than the men.

For the women who don't, they just took a tip from the "Mans Book", have one man for every need. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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