Don't tell my husband, but I have a secret

4 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.

I wish I had enough time in the day to address all the concerns I see from single women about their issues with being single. I belong to several Facebook groups and nary a day goes by when the ladies, and sometimes the men, aren’t posting their frustrations with being alone and without any prospects in sight. 

They complain about how empty their lives are. How much better things would be if they had some one to spoon with in the middle of the night. They even complain about, dare I mention it, masturbating so much because they are constantly horny. I could go on, but what's the point really. I'll just say what I came to say, and then I'll scoot.

Here's the thing - I hate to usher in an old saying, but the grass is not always greener on the other side. For you youngsters who really don't get the gist of this little colloquialism, it means simply this - being in a relationship IS NOT all it's cracked up to be.

Single ladies are so concentrated on their situation that they have failed to really capitalize on what they have going on, and let me just say, it can really be a good thing.

When you are single, there is so much that you don't have to concern yourself with. For instance, and a huge one for me, you never have to worry about somebody telling you what to do with your money.

I've been in a relationship with my husband for 10 years now, and for two of those years, we've been man and wife. Granted, he is an awesome provider, fabulous lover, and all around we're good friends, but when it comes down to money - well, this is when our vows get tested.

Single gals can shop where they want. Buy what they want. Spend wherever they want, and hurt no one’s pockets but their own. Now that is something to be single for.

And how about never having to worry about if this person is going to cheat; which in these times of glorification of 'the other woman' brings these fears right to the forefront. I have to be really honest. I see so many conversations about side chicks and sidepieces and mistresses, that I walk away giving my own husband the side-eye.

Even though he may not be (notice I said, ‘may not’) fooling around, there is always that thing in me saying, "don't get to comfortable because any day now - WHAM! Keisha is going to be at your door with a new baby in tow and her hands in your pockets." And that, is an honest statement right there. Oh, and, there is no Keisha; she's just my side chick name, seems fitting (sorry to anyone reading this named Keisha).

Single ladies, stop fretting about the other side. Concentrate on the beauty and the peacefulness on your side and believe me, you'll learn to appreciate those cold nights and holidays more than you realize.

Before I depart, let me make this one disclaimer. I am not saying that being in a relationship is all together terrible. Nor am I postulating for a life of singleness myself.

However, I think single women have the image of commitment and marriage and being in a relationship confused. Being in a committed relationship is not the Oscar for surviving your single life. The work gets harder. The hours get longer. And the frustrations, well, I'll have to talk about those in another post, but you get my drift. Relationships are work, and anything worth having does not come easy.

You have to enjoy your single life before you can ever really be prepared for a committed life with someone else.

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