I think I am having divorce remorse. I am hoping that is normal. I am hoping that it doesn't mean that I goofed up really bad. Right now I just really feel like I did a stupid thing by leaving my marriage. I feel like I have amnesia about every solid significant reason that caused me to feel like I had no other choice but end the relationship. I just am afraid my lack of faith that God was there to take care of me caused me to not be able to roll with the flow and accept or at least deal with my husbands addictions and be patient and let him work through them. It seems like my mind is consumed with thoughts of him. It is so weird that I am feeling like this because I haven't felt anything like this before now. I was sad and broken but very sure of my decision. Now I just feel like I want to call him and leave everything I have here and go be with him. I still feel like his wife and I should be like Ruth, wherever you go I will go and your people will be my people. I just pray that God will work some kind of little miracle and either bring him back in a healthy way or to help me continue on without him and to take away these doubts. According to my therapist I have a problem believing that I am worthy of being happy and that my core belief is that I am here to facilitate the happiness of other people. So of course that makes me wonder is this just some kind of weakness I have in my psyche making me cling to him. UGGGHHH. Of course I don't even know where his head and heart are. He may be moving on nicely without a second thought about me. I am to scared to ask! I don't know if I even should or want to ask. Why cant this be easy. I do know he has gone on a date with someone else and I can't even begin to think of that. I still feel like I am his. I can't imagine having room for anyone else. It's just to soon for me.
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