As the nation waited to see if the debt ceiling would be raised, I was in the troughs of wondering: would the proverbial ceiling come crashing down? With careful measure and tangible wounds, my partner and I came to our conclusion; we would be getting a divorce.
We love each other, but certain weariness with ‘trying’ to make things work is taking an emotional and physical toll upon our home and our spirit. To make things work, there has to be a space and time that meets opportunity. There has to be an understanding of a problem existing, and willingness to apply the pressure upon said wound. Because these factors do not coexist, we will be dissolving our 26 year marriage.
Whether you choose to embrace a decision like this, there is a particular truth about life. The caustic role of disharmony will unleash insurmountable pain upon your heart, abode and lives of children when you resist what I have come to view as a natural progression. For me, that natural progression began a few years ago. We both were clearly changing trajectories, and their directions pointed away from each other, in spite of the love we clearly shared.
Photo by ActiveSteve.
These last few years have been held together with friendship glue and loyalty. Not to over simplify, there were times when the space we shared was toxic; lumbering anger and silence, petty feuds, lack of intimacy, and extended separations that wrecked havoc upon our souls. When, in spite of how long you have known someone and what you may have gone through, you still can find it in yourself to be indifferent, rude, tenaciously sarcastic, and verbally brutal, you know that you have come to a fork in the road.
Which path will be chosen?
This slow snaking journey carved symbols upon the walls and our subconscious minds. I think sometimes we stopped looking at one another and played with the hologram instead. As one year played upon another, the repeating of words, actions and habits numbed us. Speaking for myself, I would play this game with myself and if the chart of our existence didn’t show variance year in and year out, that meant there was no life.
It was as if the pulse never intensified, except where there was anger with work, children or finances. Subsequently, the same pulse that never modified became a chorus to our lack of passion and togetherness. The muted hum of longing and distance picked up where Luther Vandross left off.
I know this road will be somewhat of a challenge as our living situations transform, and probably as new energies make their ways into our sacred space. But I have decided that nothing will stand in the way of both of us becoming better for this verdict, not worse.
There is no failure that has occurred, there is only what God guaranteed in this life, and that is change. We move on with our friendship cherished and our children as clear evidence of our lifelong commitment; I’m not upset about that, in fact I know we are blessed. So life has rendered the divorce decision and our hearts will carry forth its announcement; but most of all, our love will be reborn, loving each other unconditionally.
I will keep you posted on our crossings.